Namira

2010-01-30T23:22:00.002+08:00

sondaejimarayo.tumblr.com

yes, I've been swept away by the tumblr craze, so sue me. I like it. it's simple.

my drain of a day.

2010-01-05T20:20:00.001+08:00

I actually wanted to name this blog post 'Fetching my kid brother from school' but I've realised that there is too much to say that cannot be contained in such a narrow title. So here goes.

I've finished the structured questions and three essays for economics already. My aim was to finish economics today, and I think I'm on a good track. I just wanted to get it over and done with so I could tick off one subject off my daunting Things-Not-Done-Yet list. I must say that economics is very entertaining, especially when you're simply copying straight out from the notes instead of recalling it from memory. Though I have to admit that it was kind of demoralising when I was unable to vomit out information on my own accord and had to keep flipping over to my notes and such.

I think I'd be able to win points with the teacher because I wrote my essay plan right on top of my essay, so she knows that I actually used my mind while doing my essays instead of just my wonderful copying skills.

Have you ever re-read your essay after writing it? It's quite insulting, I couldn't believe the nonsense I wrote. I think it's because I was listening to music at the same time. So what came out was COMPLETE rubbish. There were even some korean words here and there. I really need to concentrate.

My brother really has an attitude of a fifteen year-old brat. At around four o'clock today, I took a nap because my brain was really exhausted after so much work. (okay when you read this you have got to know it was bullshit because I merely copied.) An hour later, I woke up after such a deep deep dream that naps don't usually provide. I went out and all my mom could say was; 'OH NAMIRA JUST IN TIME. GO PICK YOUR BROTHER UP.'

Mother couldn't do so because the guy in her korean drama just died in her favourite episode ever and she was crying.

I don't want to talk about my bratty brother because it would just aggrevate me further.

My mother cleaned up my room today. Isn't she sweet? I guess she didn't want me to move since I was studying so hard so she cleaned up my room because she said that my room was unable to sustain human life, let alone let me study with a sound mind.

AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DID? She emptied out all of my drawers with all of my papers from past years and all that and dumped them outside and told me she was going to throw them away! CLEARLY I AM A SENTIMENTAL PERSON AND PARTING WITH MY BELONGINGS NO MATTER HOW OLD THEY ARE JUST KILLS A PART OF ME INSIDE.

But she did and there was no stopping her. Previously, I used to tell her to give me time so that I could sift out all of the papers and books that I wanted to keep as memories. Then she'd complain that that was what I said when I was secondary one and there is still some trash left from 2006 in my drawer.

Mother it's not trash. Those are me translated into ugly handwriting on math worksheets when I was younger and when she loved me more.

Drained, I just stared at my beloved pile wistfully. Wishing there was some magic room with a door that only appears when I clap my hands twice with one of my eyes closed in my house that I could just stuff all of my papers in so that one day when I'm really old and bored, I can look them over and say 'haha namira, you were such a minah then.'

I AM NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT NOW. BECAUSE MY MOTHER THINKS IT'S TRASH.

So one by one, I looked them over. Looking for any bits of fond memories I could salvage for my future self. It was truly a nostalgic journey. So what did I save?

1. One of my Additional Mathematics Examination papers that I got an A for. There was even a note from Mrs. Low at the bottom of the page. It read:

CONGRATULATIONS NAMIRA! YOUR BETTER ATTITUDE THIS YEAR HAS DEFINITELY EARNED YOU THIS A.

I'll explain my previously sour relationship with Mrs. Low another time. It's seriously one of those stories worth telling.

2. All my english compositions so that I can track my improvement from 'BAD' to 'BADASS'.
3. A consent form for a field trip my school held when we could go see all the religious buildings and learn about other cultures and all that. I remember my very own peacock feather that I bought at Little India.

If you are saying 'WHY THE HELL ARE YOU KEEPING A CONSENT FORM?' I just don't want to forget how consent forms look like as they are. I think in the future, they'd just use SMS or something.
4. All those notes I used to pass to Hanan, Kuan Yong, Syafiqah, Siska, Maryam, Shabrina, Nabilah etc etc. I love every single one of them and reading some of them actually made me cry because life was so good back then. It's so different from now.

We used to send notes to each other, and now?

Yeah those are the things I salvaged. It was a truly sad moment as I blew a kiss to the gargantuan yellow recycling bag before I said goodbye to all of my papers and threw them into the blue bin.

I wanted to say a little prayer, wishing for them to be recycled safely and for them to be used as papers people would actually read and treasure like love notes or wedding certificates instead of stupid things like receipts and phone bills but there was a guy in the car behind me. It'd be really weird to see some girl whispering silently into a recycling bin as if the remains of her dead relative was lying right inside.

dignified techno.

2010-01-04T21:20:00.000+08:00

my sister is always the pretty one and I'm always doing something random with a stupid look on my face.

I'm going to study now. focusss.

just important things so far:

1. 2pm's parody of You're Beautiful was the sex, really.

2. I love COFFEE PRINCE more than anything. It really sparkles up my day.

3. I'm so scared because there is still so many things left undone academically. scared scared scared.

4. I am happy.

5. I miss seeing people in school uniforms.

6. New Year has been treating me well. No heartbreaks so far.

7. Should I go for the beach outing tomorrow?

8. Laughed the most this year at connie's old blogs.

9. I have great great friends.

10. I miss my best friends.

love like this.

2010-01-03T23:58:00.000+08:00

I would say that I did what I had to do. Even though it tooks years for me to do it, I'd accomplished what I had to do, what I was sent to do.

I didn't take anything from it. Anything that I thought I'd take from this whole experience was just snatched away from me, intentionally or otherwise. By assumptions, or skeptivity.

Hypocrisy is a crime, and I hate hypocrites. Is it so difficult to just be who you are and be happy with it? Must you live off every little thing that comes into your life? I can't believe I'm saying this but, must you make your life look like such a Korean drama?

I don't hate you, though I think you are strongly discontented with me. I just want to say that whatever it was, it was great while it lasted.

Gogarty and Green.

2010-01-01T22:22:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was one of the best countdowns to a new year in my entire life. I had so much fun at the Asian Civillisations Museum. The best thing ever?

THEY GAVE OUT FREE COKE. FREE FREAKING FREAKING BOTTLES OF COKE THAT NORMALLY COST $1.95 AT SEVENELEVEN BUT NOOO THEY WERE GIVING THEM OUT TO EVERY SINGLE SINGAPOREAN THAT WALKED PAST THEIR BOOTH. IT WAS ONE OF THE HAPPIEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE AND I THINK I QUEUED ABOUT TEN TIMES WANTING MORE AND MORE AND MORE AFTER DRINKING ONE AFTER ANOTHER AFTER ANOTHER. COCA COLA I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR BEING SO FUCKING GENEROUS YOU'VE MADE MY NEW YEAR. XOXOXOXOXO.

happy 2010.

2010-01-01T02:12:00.006+08:00

Tonight, I vowed to be alone. I vowed to be happy. I didn't want to delude myself with a bright, magical start to the new year. Just shut everything out. It should be easy as cake.

The guy next to me didn't appear to have any trouble embracing his solitute. If a charming, sweet-looking man like that could be alone on new year's eve, so could I. Look at his bowler hat and cartoon shoes. He must be enjoying life.

Now stop staring at the man and look at the pan. Wait no, an ancient Egyptian saucer used for serving delicacies to the royal family.

"Happy new year,"

I peered at the saucer in the glass case harder, praying to God that I did not just hear it mumble. Reflected in the glass case was the guy in the bowler hat, staring at the exact artefact beside me. Only, though his eyes were concentrated on the pan, they seemed to drift away towards something prettier.

"Well aren't you going to wish me back?"
His green eyes were fixed on me now. As if I was some egyptian plate with turqoise and golden intricate designs weaved on the rim of my eyes. I couldn't help but stare back. I've never stared at someone for so long ever since, well five minutes ago. When I was watching him carelessly eyeing a carved wooden dove as if he was thinking about buying it for his mother's birthday.

"You know what they say, you either wish a person happy new year, or you kiss him. Or her."
"I've never heard of that."
"So you do speak English. I was about to switch to a Spanish dialect for you."

His green eyes were lighter now. More playful. Why is he bothering me anyway? Shouldn't he find the Indonesian exhibit more fascinating than someone who called a saucer a pan?
"So what's it going to be? A greeting or a kiss?"
"Happy new year."

It was the lowest sound I had ever heard but it sounded like a chuckle deep in the back of his throat. It gave me goosebumps.

"I like your dress."
"I like your hat."
"What are you doing in the museum on new year's?"
"I wanted to be alone, and avoid conversation."
"Maybe you should have tried the library. Can I buy you a drink?"
"Only if,"
"If?"
"Please let me wear your hat."
"Why?"
"I want to wear something that makes me look like I'm happy, that I couldn't care less about the world. That I like the colour pink and believe in magic. That I giggle when someone touches my neck and prefer silver to gold. I want to look like I have really beautiful eyes and thin ankles."
"You do have beautiful eyes and thin ankles are only for those who only want to wear pretty shoes but are too afraid and weak to walk the world with their bare feet."

He took off his hat and placed it gently on my head. He ran his fingers through my hair and straightened it across my shoulders. He took my hand and took me outside where merry cheers filled the dark night.

It's going to be a good year. I could feel it when I wore his hat.

I got you baaabe.

2009-12-31T10:37:00.000+08:00

Well yesterday didn't exactly go as planned but I loved every single minute anyway. Thank you syafiqah and siska for hearing me out. Thank you siska for letting me shop with you and not losing your patience with me. I really really like those jeans. I'll pass you the red stretch belt and my beanie another day.

studying in the afternoon today, God please give me strength.

so tall, so jealous.

2009-12-30T11:58:00.003+08:00

"See girls aren't like dudes. We're really straightforward
with what we say. But girls, they're like a gun to the head,
you know?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, let's say a girl asks you out, right? She says 'oh so
what do you want to eat, japanese or chinese? I don't care,
I'm okay with both.' Then you say 'okay cool let's go get
some japanese food.'"

"Yeah?"

"Then the girl gets pissed. Because she wanted chinese
food."

heartbeat.

2009-12-27T12:17:00.000+08:00

Pass me the love, chest popper.

2009-12-27T11:44:00.000+08:00

I've been considering moving to another website to write stuff. Not because I hate blogger or anything, it's just that I think I want a cleaner, clearer space. It's like, I'll be living in another house but this room is still up for rent. Ok that didn't make sense so whatever.

I've been M.I.A recently because I have really no strength to blog anymore neither was I in singapore to blog. I was at malaysia with my family being really random as always and lunging into oversea vacations in the middle of the week.

I've checked my feeling inventory and it says that I have no feelings whatsoever. It changes so drastically so often that it's driving me insane. I'm sad, happy, excited, at loss or angry so many times in a day. I just want to hit myself. Namira, stick with one feeling. I'll blog later I have to bathe now.

the midnight fudgery.

2009-12-21T21:12:00.000+08:00

I feel so happy at night. At night, when everyone is sleeping, I creep out of my bedroom and switch on my laptop like a naughty little girl who doesn't know what bedtime means. I grab my peanut butter jar and a spoon, flick on youtube and enjoy my favourite Korean dramas. When I feel brave enough, I multi-task. I chat with my friends online and instantly, my peanut butter becomes sweeter.

There's something about the night, and the way it has all the things I like.

prince.

2009-12-20T22:25:00.000+08:00

"How about the moon then? How will you eat that?"

"Well, considering it's only half a moon now, I'll wait for it to become a full moon. Then, I'll eat it steamed."

Today was a cousin's wedding. While eating delicious briyani, my grandaunts and mother started talking about my wedding. All my father did was to shoot me a glare and mouth 'A'levels first.' Hooray dad for bringing me back to reality.

Taking a break now from watching Coffee Prince. I just wanted to revisit the good old days when I was happy. Am I happy, you ask? Sometimes I am, but sometimes I just feel like punching people in the face.

You know that feeling? Of course you do. You're the queen of hate, aren't you?

I need five reasons,

2009-12-18T21:20:00.001+08:00

The wind knocks gently on the window of a room as small as me. I force myself not to look up; not to be tempted and seduced by the magic of day and to focus on the intricate cracks on my wall.

I close my eyes and imagine my angel around me. My fingers grasp the sides of my chair tightly, determined not to let the memory go. I open my eyes and there he is. Standing by the window and fingering the lace of my curtains.

I don't let go of my chair, I don't breathe. I fear the harshness of my whisper would blow him away. Already his figure was so wispy and wistful, almost translucent next to the sunlight that pierced through the panes of my window. I begin to cry, knowing that somewhere, evil angels were going to take him away.

He was by my side in an instant, his arm wrapped warmly around my shoulder. I pushed him away. The action tore at my heart, and killed me a bit inside. I stood up and walked to my dresser, careful not to limp. Not to show how I weak I was without his embrace. I gazed at myself in the mirror, not searching for anything. Just an excuse to avoid his now deadly curious and suspicious eye.

'What are you doing?'
'Just stay where you are. Don't come any closer.'
'What if I did?'
'Just don't. You're really bad you know. Who do you think you are?'
'You are the funniest person in the world.'

Stubborn asshole stood up in a flourish and placed his hands on my shoulders, and his lips near my ear. My efforts to stand up were dimmed by his strength. He stared at me through the mirror. At my trembling lips, at my scarlet cheeks, at my flooded eyes.

'Why are you crying?'
'Why are you asking me so many questions? Go away.'
'No I like it here. I want to stay. Now be quiet I want to sleep.'
'On my shoulder?! It's going to hurt.'
'Yeah I know your shoulder is so bony. But it's okay.'
'Yeah your fat head will cushion it for you.'

At that point of time I woke up laughing. Wow, funny how dreams are so damn real!

oooh look! a bird brain.

2009-12-18T12:20:00.000+08:00

I've been listening to my Super Junior albums recently. I've realised that I've never purchased an album and truly loved it before this. You might be saying that I'm biased towards their astonishingly good looks but I've been listening to their music, not watching music videos.

I even have songs for different occasions. For instance, I listen to some songs when I'm getting ready and when I'm going to sleep. When I feel like crying, I listen to this one song that's truly a heartbreaker. It's called 'Let's Not' and it's a break-up song. When I first heard the song, unaware of it's true meaning, my heart ached listening to them singing so sadly. When I finally found out that it was a break-up song, I wanted to slap the SUJU boys for being such heartbreakers.

Especially this one. This is the worst of them all.

'My mother used to say that I was the most good-looking person in this world. I think that too.'

HAHA, funny boy HyukJae.

again and again and again.

2009-12-16T10:07:00.000+08:00

There is something ferociously wrong with me. I don't know if you'd classify it as a real problem but to me, it really is. You see, music is my thing right? I might not be the best singer or dancer, but I sure do worship music. SO whether I'm online, or simply walking to school, music MUST be my faithful companion.

So I have encountered a problem recently. It's not a big issue I assure you. I just feel like talking about it that's all. When I'm online and I find an insanely sick new song that I instantly fall in love with, (like right now it's Again and Again by 2pm which isn't exactly new but to me it is.) I listen to it over and over and over again. AND I AM STILL IN LOVE WITH IT. It comes to the point whereby I have to get that song in my phone because it's so addictive.

AND THEN, once it gets into my phone, I STILL DON'T STOP LISTENING TO IT BECAUSE I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Then I listen to it so much that I get slightly bored of it but I do not love it any less. Then I go online, and do my online stuff (??). BUT WHAT'S GOING TO BE MY NEW BACKGROUND MUSIC NOW? What used to be my favourite song has already been ingrained in my mind so I can't use that song. SO WHAT WILL BE?

HAHA when I read this over, I realise it simply doesn't make sense. Oh well.
I love to invent problems for myself. Or problems simply crash into me.
Either way, go away.

the boy next door.

2009-12-15T00:47:00.000+08:00

I live in a quiet white building. It used to be red, but as it faded with time, it looked more like maroon than red. Now it's white because the maroon building disappointed all its residents. Now, I live in a quiet white hospital.

I've never once had a feather of a dream of moving to any place different. I love this white building. It stands tall and proud on a hill, overlooking a miniscule forest and a never ending span of blue sky. I live amongst the sweetest of hearts and the most welcoming of embraces.

I live on the fifth floor on this eight-storey, white building. I take a lift, because the word elevator is too cumbersome, that doesn't reach the top floor. When I was younger, I used to think that the top floor was set aside so that ghosts and angels could stay inside. Since agitated ghosts aren't the friendliest of companies and angels were too amazingly mystical to be disturbed, the people who constructed this building ensured that no one could reach the eighth floor and bother those misty characters.

To my left, lived a suave family with a modern home. Their door was grand and made out of polished wood with a conspicuous gold handle. Parquet floors and glass table tops always trigger a jazz song playing in my head. In this very home lived the boy next door.

The boy next door is skinny and always wear shorts. He's really smart and never invites his friends over. When we were younger and when I was naive, I used to play soccer with him. Just the two of us. He let me kick the ball, in my attempt to score a goal, two metres away from his goalkeeper stance. He'd catch it anyway because he is really fast and skinny people do not need to exert much of a force to fly through the air.

One day, I was watering orchids outside and I saw him walk by. He looked at me and I waved at him. A little smirk was his only response. With a rushed jingle of his keys, he was inside.

It was on that day that I vowed that I would make the boy next door fall in love with me. How is it going so far? Only the walls of my white hospital will know. Until it's next paintjob, I pray they don't disappoint me again.

GOD I am so bored.

the cullens do come here after all.

2009-12-14T19:11:00.000+08:00

Oh my GOD I just had to upload this picture it is just so epic. We spent one whole day working on that 'ship', when it looks more like a boat or a dinghy to me. SIGH sadly though, our beloved boat tore in half. Thank goodness it tore only after the filming. Otherwise, our perfect filming would have been destroyed. Thank you PHOBOS HOUSE COMMITTEE for a lovely day out.

Today I watched NEWMOON with Syafiqah and Siska. Before you big fat cynics, yes you, start saying 'OMG you just watched new moon? HOW SLOW CAN YOU GET? I watched it when it came out sehhh. I'm so cooool.' let me first say that it turned out to be for the better since there were a significantly small number of people in the theatre. So yeah. IN YOUR FACE.

I loved it. It was really romantic and the acting was really good. Furthermore, it was super super super fun because I watched it with Syafiqah and Siska. I'm really glad I chose to watch it with them first before anyone else. We were like the noisiest ones in the theatre. We were literally commenting at each scene. 'OMG Bella is such a bitch.' 'JACOB IS SO HOT.' 'EDWARD IS SO HOT.' 'OMG HARRY CLEARWATER IS SO CUTE HE LOOKS LIKE A LITTLE JAPANESE MAN HE IS MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER.'

By the way, the last comment was by Syafiqah.

let's do it again girls. ;)

instant noodles.

2009-12-13T14:38:00.000+08:00

I am currently eating my fifth packet of curry-flavoured Maggie Mee this week. Wait.. No it's not the fifth packet. It's the.. oh my goodness. I've eaten nine packets of maggie mee in a week. I am going to die seriously. This is bad for my health. Oh well. At least the first five packets had the healthier choice label on it. I don't know why though. That is the most ironic thing in the world.

The downside is I think I'm gaining weight. My aunt came up to me yesterday, by the way my aunt is seventeen too, and told me I was fat. Astonished, I clutched my belly and lo and behold, I felt fatter. I didn't see much of a difference in the mirror, but darn did I feel those seven maggie mee packets all of a sudden. Freaking hell I have to go to the gym later. GO TO THE GYM NAMIRA.

Ugh, my noodles don't even taste nice anymore. Sheesh.

I went to the gym on thursday for an evening workout just to see whether I would faint after three minutes of exercising. Surprisingly, this was the most benefitial trip to the gym I have ever taken. When I first stepped in, there were like a dozen men on testosterone overload doing mega sit ups and lifting weights. Immediately I felt deflated. How could I compete? I am just a seventeen year old who hates any form of physical activity, other than dance, and snacks on instant noodles and coca cola for a living.

I hate the gym.

I spent a really long time stretching because I wanted to postpone the humiliation for as long as possible. And thanks to dance, I was the best stretcher (not the ambulance stretcher) in the gym. All those men were just doing shoulder stretches. More imaginative ones were doing lunges. I was doing body twists and splits. HEEHEE. I had established my presense and reputation in the gym.

After stretching every limb in my body, I braved to attempt the bicycle thingys. Okay I don't know the name of the gym equipment kay so sue me. I pressed quick start and DAMN IT WAS REALLY FUN. It was just like cycling but you weren't going anywhere. You just cycled and cycled until the time is up which I did! I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF. I wish I could stay on the cycling things forever but I couldn't. People don't go to the gym to cycle only.

I hated treadmills. I still do. So I avoided that. There is this one machine which is sort of like cycling. I mean you move your feet in a circle but you're standing up and your hands are holding these two poles that move at a proportional speed as your feet are. Okay I don't know the name alright? Gym speak is beyond me.

So yeah I tried that and again, I impressed myself. I did it for forty whole minutes! AND WITHOUT MUSIC OOH OOH I FORGOT TO MENTION THE MOST IMPORTANT PART. If you are my best friend or just know me, you would know that music is my life and I go nowhere without it. It's just this whole issue with being able to choose what my ears sense that makes me feel safe and comfortable with my surroundings.

But due to unforseen predicaments,(my earphones disappeared again. I had to buy new ones again.) I had to do without music. Until the last ten minutes when my sister came up to me offering me her psp which I so gratefully took from her. I SPAMMED SUPER JUNIOR MUSIC IMMEDIATELY, and adrenaline began pumping through my veins. I swear I felt like an adrenaline junkie. I went so fast it was amazing. Then my friend who I used to see all the time at the club but didn't recently because of stupid promos which banned me any visit to the sports club came up to say hi.

When I saw her I screamed 'OH MY GOD NISHA I SPENT A WHOLE HOUR IN THE GYM AND I DIDN'T DIE.' She was baffled and didn't say anything for ten seconds. I swear some of the incredible hulks in the background was clapping.

I like the gym now. I can't wait to go later. WOO.

do I need a reason?

2009-12-10T17:13:00.000+08:00

I'll really blog when I have something to talk about but really, I don't. I guess I need an earth-shattering event to bring me out of my blogging siesta which has been reoccuring since, God knows when. I've been spending my time in front of the Korean channel alot and at times, feel sad that I had to depart from the glorious country.

take off the helmet.

2009-12-08T00:39:00.000+08:00

SPAO collaboration with SM Entertainment (Super Junior) is simply sexual.

The photoshoot went bloody amazing.

I was walking down Myeundong when I saw this shop with a gigantic picture of Siwon and Hangeng with three SNSD (ehk) girls. I went inside and it is decked top to bottom with SNSD and Super Junior pictures. AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING.

I haven't really got much to say today. I went to school bright and early to meet with my Phobos house committee members to build a boat out of cardboard. It was super funny. Matthew, Firza and I managed to come up with an EPIC cheer for the house after flipping through the House Committee file of the 2007 batch. I can't say it properly because I always end up laughing when Matthew tries to do it. At least he does it the best among the three of us.

Who says my captain can't cheer?

I'm really tired and I think I'm going to turn in soon. I've been having weird dreams lately but they feel so real as they're occuring. Such bright colours and relevant events. Dreams have a weird way of transporting us to a different life altogether. And the funniest part is that we don't even realise we're dreaming. It's like we've had always lived the life we're dreaming about.

For instance, yesterday I dreamt that I was an assasin sent out to kill a boy who threw lemonade at people who had their mouths open as they walked. It all seemed so natural to me, shooting and stakeouts and such. I don't know why I'm telling you this. It's just another one of nature's wonders.

I'm going to go dream now.

Korea Sparkling, the second year.

2009-12-06T21:20:00.000+08:00

Day Zero.

look at the height difference between me and my grandmommy.

Me and my sister camwhoring like stupid people as usual.

Shit nervous before the flight. (F.Y.I I hate flying. It gives me unbearable nausea.)

Day 1

Barely conscious at Incheon Airport.

Sightseeing at night.

Daay 2

Though this jacket makes me look fat, it should be grateful that I brought it.

We found these oranges shaped like hearts in a supermarket. CUTE OR WHAT?

Nadia and I found this enclave of goodies called a CD shop where they sold an array of Korean Pop music. THAT THING I'M HOLDING THERE IS MY NEW SUPER JUNIOR 3 ALBUM! I also bought the second one. heehee.

Korean Forever 21.

Ingenious forms of advertising.

The beautiful streets of MyeunDong.

2009-11-29T22:15:00.000+08:00

I shouldn't have done that,

I should have just ignored it,

Like something I couldn't see,

Like something I can't see,

ah yes,

I shouldn't have looked at you at all.

I should have ran away,

I should have acted like I didn't hear it,

Like something I couldn't hear,

Like something I can't hear,

ah yes,

I shouldn't have listened to love at all.

Without a word you let me know love,

Without a word you gave me love,

You even made me take hold of your breath but you ran away like this,

Without a word love leaves me,

Without a word love tosses me away,

What should I say next?

My closed lips were surprised on their own.

Coming without any words.

Why does it hurt so much?

Why does it hurt continuously?

Except for the fact that I can't see you anymore,

And that you aren't here anymore,

Otherwise it is the same as before.

Without a word you let me know love,

Without a word you gave me love,

You even made me take hold of your breath but you ran away like this,

Without a word love leaves me,

Without a word love tosses me away,

What should I say next?

My closed lips were surprised on their own.

Coming without any words.

Without a word tears fall,

Without a word my heart breaks down.

Without a word I wait for love,

Without a word I hurt because of love,

I zone out, I become a fool because I cry looking at the sky.

Without a word farewell finds me,

Without a word, the end comes to me,

I think my heart was surprised for sending you away without preparation,

It came without a word.

Without a word it comes and leaves,

Like the fever before, maybe all I need is to let it hurt for a while.

Because in the end only scars are left.

The lyrics are pretty simple. No one would actually sing this song in English because the lyrics just don't flow and well, it doesn't rhyme. Plus they're not romantic enough. But as you can hear in Korean, the singer sings it with such raw emotion that it hurts anyone listening to it.

I guess only Connie and I know how much this song symbolises hurt in the Korean drama we both adore which is, You're Beautiful. I guess we can never truly understand or feel what Hwang Tae Kyung or Go Mi Nam/Nyu or especially Shin Woo or even Jeremy goes through when this song starts lingering in the background. But you can bet that a box of tissues are in order.

I'm leaving for Korea in two hours. After which I hope to come back with a sound and rational mind. While hope and fantasy may delight or bring us satisfaction, we all know that it is only temporary. We need accidents or crashes to bring us down to boring old reality. I never realised that until yesterday, when reality slapped me in the face.

It is inevitable. Girls like Jandi or Go Mi Nyu don't even have to try. They can be whoever they want to be, even themselves, and boys come crashing into them. And they're mostly, rich, astonishingly handsome, kind, charming, tall, handsome little buggers who breaks the hearts of every other girl other than the very girl who doesn't want them.

I guess you either have to be living in a fantasy drama or South Korea for that to happen. Who knows, maybe I'll even bring back my own Shin Woo back to Singapore since all the ungrateful Go Mi Nyu bitches in South Korea don't want him.

Dear God,

Let me be happy.

see me.

2009-11-28T23:38:00.002+08:00

In a way you could say I'm feeling upset. Yet when I try and piece it all together, do I have reason to be? I tried and tried but for what? What have I achieved thus far? Some of you might be laughing at me now but never did I once think that I minded being laughed at. The feeling now is so indescribable, it's amazing. I walk around with this cloud over my head and wish I could just shoo it away.
What have you done to me? This was not what I wanted.
But you wanted it.

I suppose, looking back, there have been alot of times when I said I was fine when I actually wasn't. There were many times I lied because I didn't want things to change, neither did I want things to part. Looking back, there were so many things I wanted to ask, so many questions in my head but I wouldn't ask them fearing what you would say. How you would react.

I guess I know now that I should never be myself with you. You are amazing, witty and charming. But you're a heartbreaker. All I can do now is look back. You'll realize one day, that the very reason why this happened, is the very reason you promised to stay for long.

Loved is the worst word anyone could ever use.

너라고

2009-11-26T12:26:00.000+08:00

In case you're wondering what those words mean in Korean, it means It's You. Neorago.

How such small sayings could bear so much depth and emotions is beyond me. I could never manifest such expressions without going overboard. Which makes me wonder how Super Junior does it. Haha. Before you go all HADI LEE and say 'what the heck they don't even write their own songs,' let me first say that they sing it okay? And that's good enough for me.

Yesterday was utter brilliance. I know I use those two words in vain often but really, it was nothing short of amazing fun. I never knew that being able to lead an entire house could be so much fun! And I got to teach them one of the things I love doing which is dancing.

It was really gratifying when people came up to me to tell me that the dance was really great and that they had real fun doing it as a house. I can't wait for the next practice it's going to be mindblowing.

PHOBOS THE BEST GIVE ME A HELL YEAH.

<3

2009-11-22T11:34:00.000+08:00

Me loves my grandmother.

Through bad hair days and bad postures, she still loves me.

I should have said dare.

2009-11-19T20:29:00.000+08:00

"Truth or dare."

"Truth."

"Who are you thinking about right now?"

"A soccer player."

"How cliche. Is he good?"

"Yes, he is."

"What position does he play?"

"I don't know,"

"Okay. What's his jersey number?"

"I don't know. I've never seen him play."

coward.

2009-11-16T13:16:00.002+08:00

I hate people who judge people instantly. The type that mocks people the second they look at them. People who go 'OMG that minah is such a bitch look at her eyeliner it's so stupid.' when they are wearing even stupider eyeliner and are acting even more like minahs.

I hate people who go around saying everyone sucks when they themselves don't see themselves for who they are. When you think the whole world sucks other than your boyfriend, you know somewhere in your mind, something is really really screwed up or its just that people hate your face and you have to take it out somewhere.

CAMP WAS GREAT BY THE WAY. NOBODY HATED ME AT CAMP. IT'S HONESTLY SO REFRESHING. NEW BEST FRIENDS ROCK.

I'm not as old as you anymore.

2009-11-10T22:33:00.000+08:00

without touch,

you've made me turn crimson at the littlest things you say.

without sound,

you've taught my heart to sing and wander.

without actions,

you've shown me love.

you're like a fever I want to let linger.

just let it hurt for a bit longer.

you've turned my mind into a carousel.

golden lights shoot off mirrors and carriages.

spinning and spinning,

a combination a deliria and esctacy.

As I lay here, I love silently,

I take in a deep breath, and you tell me to hold it.

Because the best is yet to come.

I wish you all the love in the world,

happy birthday.

rokkugo!

2009-11-09T07:24:00.000+08:00

my boyfriend's pretty.

my boyfriend's heart is prettier.

Today is D-day. I think I'm going to cry later after my oral presentation because it just symbolises the end of practically the entire of my project work life (screw I&R). The guys have just been so nice to me. I can't imagine another bunch of people I'd rather work with. Sure I'm the only girl, and sure sometimes I feel really small and feel unable to speak my mind, but hello, these boys are some of the nicest in the world.

I'll get all sappy about it later kay.

Yesterday, we all had a self-instigated class rehearsal at Dinesh's house. I met Dalston who could barely walk (HANDSOME, PLEASE GET BETTER) and Yue Hao. Dalston, my suave group member swooped over with a taxi to pick me and Yue Hao up.

I swear whatever Dinesh's relatives were cooking in the kitchen was driving me insane. I wanted it so bad. I had cravings for Indian food since then. I want briyani again. I cannot believe I'm saying this even after I went to ZamZam with the guys to eat fried chicken briyani and went for an Arab wedding after.

OMG THE ARAB WEDDING WAS SO HYPED UP.

I've been to a lot of Arab Weddings before but this one took the cake. Firstly, I just realised that I am one eighth Bajrai, which is an Arab Family kind of thing. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. I bear no Arabic features whatsoever. Everyone there was so beautiful and exotic. Even the guys.

The bride was stunning in a full length snow white wedding gown embroided with millions of sequins and beads. I vowed to have a gown just like that when I get married. Actually you don't actually need to get married to wear something like that right? I mean, you can wear it to like... your sister's wedding or something. heehee.

There was dancing too! Oh my goodness I wanted to join in the dancing but dad said it was only for men. That didn't stop me from watching. Though the song sounded like it was never going to end, the dancing was still so full of energy. Everyone's favourite part was when the eldest woman of the family stood up, went to the dancefloor and started dancing with the guys. Some of which could most probably have been her great grandchildren or something.

baik kappa.
okay I'm going to go eat an egg sandwich for luck now.

bye.

make me proud future me.

2009-11-05T23:04:00.000+08:00

Today was a day invested with a turmoil of emotions and such. It's kind of hard to wrap my head around the whole day because there were just so many things that happened. There were some tears, yet some stomach-curling laughter. How do I summarise my day in one word? It's impossible to call it neutral because it was far from it. It was inflatory. That's the word. Very, very inflatory.

Ms. Lai's words really struck a chord in me. I'm not going to say that she was demoralising or brutal or whatever because I think, wait I know, that she has our best interests at heart as a principal. I really really want to do well at everything I do. But, how can I when I'm participating in all manner of events? You might be saying, 'oh namira. just drop a couple of stuff, then.' It's so difficult even I can't believe it.

I don't want all my efforts to go to waste. I don't want little Namira from the past having a sucky future after all she's done. Ugh, you know what, I'm not even going to go there anymore. It's meant for silent contemplation in my mind instead of a vulgar outburst on a blog.

Today I had dance practice with the house committee. It was super fun and super awesome because we got to use the dance studio. In the entire house committee, I was the only one who is involved with the Performing Arts CCA. So I was bragging about how the studio was my floorball pitch or my football field. I wonder how long I can keep that up for.

Not only was it a dance practice, but it really gave us a chance to chat for a bit and even play a bit of karaoke party. My house committee members rock.

I must focus on the things that make me happy in my life. My family, my 09S104, superjunior, dancing, my house committee, my best friends (some of which I never get to see. SORRY SISKA.), and of course, love. yes, love.

What are YOU living for? Friendship? Love? The way I see it, they're just plastic decorations you set up to make your life look more interesting and less pitiful. I feel sorry for you.

tired but tired.

2009-11-03T07:00:00.001+08:00

What a week! I'm not going to complain though because it's only... Monday. I'm really looking forward to this week because it's going to be uber crazy. Oh shit I just remember that me and Emmanuel, that sweetheart, have to do the proposal for the MMM thing. EMMANUEL! CALL ME!

SO I've been really caught up in the whole PW/DANCE DILEMMA/OGL/HOUSE COMM mess but I'm finding my way out. Honestly, if it weren't for my beloved house committee members, I'd be lost right now. And they make my life insane. Which is just the way I like it.

I really hope I can get my mind right to settle myself down and academically prepare myself for the year ahead. Oh yeah, I got promoted. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT BECAUSE I CAN'T.

check you later.

when you take yourself seriously, I'll try my best to do the same.

2009-10-28T22:37:00.001+08:00

I'm exhausted. I really am tired. My arms ache from typing too much. Faiz got so happy when he realised he could type without looking at the keyboard. I've typed so much in my life that I can close my eyes and type at the same time. You might assume I'm complimenting myself here but to be perfectly honest, it just shows you the amount of time I spend in front of the computer. And it's very annoying.

I don't really know what's keeping me alive at this moment. I don't know whether it's the anticipation of all the stuff coming up or whether I'm just staying alive because I have to.

Warning: I'm about to incoherently babble like a chicken now. I don't think you'd want to pay attention.

When I look at the way I see my life, I like to look at things that are bothering me. For instance, if I lied to someone, I would find it difficult to sleep at night because I'd be tosssing and turning, hungrily wondering whether or not there's a chance he or she might find out about it. Subconsciously, my phyical habits are attributed to the fact that I am indeed a very emotional person that constantly finds herself in the deepest of shit holes.

I don't know how to not fall apart. My mind has been wandering aimlessly, etched to an unknown goal or destination that seems to keep me going. I'd say I'm hanging on to something but I really don't know what.

I think we've reached the age where we begin to see our lives as a gift we are obligated to receive. The things we do don't necessarily amount to anything presently or in the future. What are we rooting for exactly? God knows I really want to know.

So I guess what we have to do focus on the things that make our life worth living instead of brooding on why. For me, the companionship of my beloved friends and family are the very reason why I keep going even though my head doesn't want to. I might not have anything to look forward to now, but everyday, I wake up and think 'Damn it I wish today was Sunday.'

I lied to someone today.
It wasn't a huge lie but it was a lie. And I told it to someone, I've only recently began to trust. I don't know if he or she would pursue the truth or just perceive it the way I told him or her. I really hope its the latter because I really cannot handle anymore bullshit in my life. I don't want to hurt this person. But, I have to make decisions nowadays that I'm not so proud of.

You might think I'm brooding now. But the way I see it, I'm trying to console myself. Reasons she won't find out:

1. They work on different levels.
2. She barely knows him.
3. He barely knows her.
4. I'm not that interesting anyway.
5. She's probably really busy so I doubt she'll press on the matter.
6. She's her and not HER.
7. I think she forgot his name because I kind of on purpose mumbled it when she asked for it.
8. Maybe he won't be there tomorrow. By the time they even see each other's faces, she'd have totally forgotten about our dark conversation and it would never ever ever ever be brought up again.

I don't feel better. But I feel less worse.
which is good.

TO-DO-LIST:
cheograph another six eights
script
die
come back to life
die again

from the cheeky boy in chapman.

2009-10-25T22:53:00.001+08:00

Continue After Me...

My name is.... Namira Binte Abdul Nasir.

I think my name on my next life would be.... hmm something more imaginative than tom.. like, Summer Days. OMG that is soo cool.

I keep some memories.... on a notice board in my room. Anything ranging from movie tickets, nice napkins from diners and restaurants in America. Neoprints (God those were the times.) Hari Raya to-do-lists. Receipts from different countries, musical advertisements from Las Vegas.

If I would have kept... all the bottle caps of different bottles of cokes I drank from all over the world, I'd be able to construct a boat that would be able to ship the entire population of China from Hong Kong to Sydney.
I think we go to school to.... meet smarter people to gain more reality checks.

I secretly hate.... when people put their chins on my shoulders when they're leaning on me. This happens alot I don't know why. It's so tickly and I feel like bursting into humiliating laughter everytime someone does this to me its so embarrassing. It's such a weird feeling.

One think you have to know about me is.... though I may seem to enjoy the spotlight and social environments, I prefer to avoid them. I mean, I can function perfectly fine when the time calls for it, but the whole idea of cliques and groups actually turn me off. I think everybody should just be friends with everybody so that there won't be all that social hierachy nonsense.

My habit is to.... not look at people when I'm talking to them. I don't like to establish or sustain eye contact with people it's plain freaky. Then people say I'm not listening to them SHEESH. when I'm not looking at you, I'm paying deep attention. BUT, when I'm looking at you, I still am paying attention... just less attention.
If i could turn back time i would.... turn back time again.

My fantasy celebrity would be..JOHNNY DEPP.

2nd ANY HOT PLASTIC KOREAN BOYBAND MEMBER. preferably one that can dance like a GOD and has nice hair. like EUNHYUK OR KEY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

3rd ANY HOT PLASTIC KOREAN BOYBAND MEMBER. he doesn't have to dance like a God, just nice hair.

The most ridiculous thing I've ever done is.... flicked my shoe off the roof of the Esplanade until it landed outside the Esplanade library.

I love watching.... korean boys.

I do whatever.... my mother wants me to do because my mother rocks.

I have difficulties.... speaking without an accent. DARN ALL OF YOU WHO THINK ITS FAKE.

I think that I am.... lonely too. I may have alot of friends that may or may not like me for who I am, but when it really boils down to it, I really am lonely. Everyday, I realise how I've been throwing away precious time on people who don't even care about me and just pretend that they do. I've been surrounding myself with social hungry monsters who end up talking smack about me just because they can and they know. If it weren't for my best friends, I would be very very lonely. I just need to know that there is someone out there for me, who wants me for me and not for something they'd get just by being with me.

In 5 years time I will see myself in...university. I don't think so, I know it.
or... heehee. or? you tell me.

the levitation operation.

2009-10-25T22:29:00.000+08:00

hey ya'll. I didn't really mention this before, or did I, but I recently borrowed a Korean Phrase Book from the school library about a week and a half ago. Its due date is almost up in about three days which most probably means I'm going to return it about a week from now. Yes, the effects of irresponsibility.

So, it wouldn't be like me to just read that book and return it. I must apply it somehow. I must do something out of the ordinary with it. Books were meant for more than just to be read and tossed aside. There must be some form of sustained effect.

so.

I wrote a story. It's pretty awesome. There's more than one part to it but the phrases used are 100% taken from the phrase book. I didn't make any of this up. My mastery of the Korean language has evidently improved and yet, this was just for the fun of it.

the story is called: I like them Plastic.
remember this title? heehee. if you don't, scroll down and CHECK IT OUT.

Part one: THE BIG MEETING.

Namira: Anneyeonghaseyo, jeoneun Namira immida. (Hello. I'm Namira.)
Hot Korean Guy: Anneyeong. (Hello there.)
Namira: ireumi mweoyo? (What's your name?)
Hot Korean Guy: je ireumeun EunHyuk (my favourite superjunior member.) immida. (My name is EunHyuk.)
Namira: hangul mareun jeonhyeo. (I know very little Korean.)
Hot Korean Guy: Ah Haha! manaseo ban-gapseummida. *flashes hot smile*(Ah Haha! Very nice to meet you.)
Namira: *faints* algesseoyo? (Do you understand me?)
Hot Korean Guy: De. (Yes.)
Namira: mihonieyo. (I'm single.)
Hot Korean Guy: *winks* (GOD IF THIS HAPPENED IN REAL LIFE I WOULD JUST DIE.)

Part two: THE BIG DATE (Part I)

Namira: Eunhyuk anneyeong! (Hello Eunhyuk!)
Eunhyuk: Anneyeong. Nalssi cham jochi anayo? (Hello. Isn't it a lovely day?)
Namira: De. Changmun jjoge anjado doelkkayo? (Yes. Can have a seat by the window?)
Eunhyuk: Ne, dwaetseoyo. Mwo masillaeyo? (Yes, of course. What would you like to drink?)
Namira: Alkool seongbun eomneun geoseuro juseyo. (Something non-alcoholic please.)
Eunhyuk: Joeun saeng-gagieyo. Geunsahandeyo. Seuki jangbiga cham jonneyo. (Good idea. You look great. I like your ski outfit.)
Namira: *blushes* Gomawoyo. Dangsin cham joeun saramieyo. (Thank you. You're very nice.)
Eunhyuk: Beol malsseumeulyo. jeongmal bogo sipeosseoyo. (Don't mention it. I've missed you so much.)
Namira: (mutters really softly.) igeon andwaeyo. (This is no good.)
Eunhyuk: mwoyeoyo? (What?)
Namira: aniyo, amugeotdo. hwajangsireun eodie isseoyo? (No, nothing. Where's the restroom?)

HAHA.

darn you murphy.

2009-10-23T17:57:00.000+08:00

Murphy's Law could not have chosen a worse time to pop up. It's five forty one pm and our Written Report is still sitting here beside me and not with the board of officials of the Project Work Committee because our soft copy refuses to materialise. Right now, my group leader, Kenneth, is joining efforts with Mr. Ng so that hopefully, our WR would magically appear in the disk we're supposed to hand up.

Everybody's tired. We've been zooming all over the place for God knows what. Printing and binding, it's been a race for a less than satisfactory position. The real question is, are we going to cross the finish line at all? We're so near, yet so far. (ALAMAK SO CLICHE.)

....
...
..
.

OMG. IT'S OVER. WE DID IT. THE DOCUMENT CHOSE TO APPEAR AND NOW IT'S IN THE HANDS OF THE PROJECT WORK COMMITTEE WHO WILL DECIDE OUR FATE. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS BUT OUR PROJECT EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS (EE) ALL THE WAY IN TERMS OF EFFORT AND HOURS OF SLEEP BLOODY SACRIFICED.

two thousand nine hundred and forty eight words.
ninety three pages. (you heard me.)
about seventy two hours of sleep foregone.
countless scoldings from our parents. (well mine at least.)
two viruses that got into my laptop.
a new developed love for school laptops.
four handsome, charming and unbelievable teammates whose efforts I truly appreciate from the bottom of my heart.

and its over.

ORAL PRESENTATION IS NEXT THOUGH.
but I'm not worrying. we're going to OWN IT.

someone press reset.

2009-10-22T23:38:00.001+08:00

Look around everybody. It's time to thank God for all that we have been blessed with.
I don't know why I'm feeling so moral and holy today but it has always been a practice of mine to silently thank God for everything in my life.

I'm chilling with my school computer (again) today. Have I stressed enough on how much I worship school computers? Aren't they just amazing. Tap tap tap. Amazing I tell you.

I've been going through a lot of crap today just to get my Written Report for project work done. It all started at around four in the morning when I awoke to realize that I have yet to perfect my family tree art project (HAHAHA NAMIRA AND ART? YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING.) and also my part of the report was in tatters so I had to brush that up.

When I was a child, my sister was a child too. So we always did kid stuff together like drawing and all that. She always, ALWAYS, drew the nicer pictures. When she was in primary three, she didn't need a ruler to draw houses anymore. It was free hand for her all the way. Meanwhile. Little Miss Incompetent here used all manners of straight items to ensure that all the lines of her house touched perfectly.

Remember when the houses we used to draw had chimneys with smoke coming out and square windows and all that? My chimneys looked like books and my smoke cloud would resemble the shape of a cat's head. I once tried to draw a vase and it ended up being a human body. Or was it the other way round?

Even so, it is evident that I have absolutely no artistic talents at all. I cannot draw because it will always end up looking so disfigured and I get so frustrated. This morning, I sought the help of my mother to help me finish my family tree. I'll post a picture of it when I get hold of the other laptop. It ended up looking pretty awesome. This is why I love my mother. And my sister I suppose. She helped alot with the paper mache and stuff.

Dear God, thank you for my artistically competent family members.

I don't feel like talking about my day anymore because I just had a sudden memory of the conversation Syafiqah and I were having in the bus just now on our way home at about... nine thirty p.m? It's prettyyyy late, don't you know? We were both wasted after a whole day of PW rush. I think she felt better after I bought her Coke Light (...) but I still felt like shit.

The conversation was very honest. In that short bus ride, everything we'd been feeling all this while poured out in this torrent of emotions. Betrayal, disbelief, anger, sadness, loss. It was nothing like we'd ever experienced. I think the whole PW vibe of getting straight to the point to keep beneath your word limit was still lingering around us.

The following conversation has been edited for personal reasons:

'I miss it. I can't believe things have changed. It used to be so lovely.'
'Things haven't changed. It has always been the same. We just didn't see it.'
'The worst part is, we chose not to see it. We ignored it completely.'
'Would it help if we brought it up now?'
'No. it's too late.'

We wish things were back to the way it used to be. We miss it more than you can comprehend.

you were never one to annoy me. Yet,

2009-10-20T10:12:00.000+08:00

Yesterday night was a real bummer. My father, out of a spur of the moment decision which resulted after a bad day at work, disconnected my modem from its socket so last night, I was barred from assuming my internet identity(s). I was also unable to get my superjunior fix which was probably why I didn't get a good night's sleep last night. I think I'm going to buy the whole album like connie told me to.

So what did I do last night, you ask? Well, all I did was study. Yes study. Stop looking so surprised you haven't even listened to the whole story yet. True enough, some zzz moments were sacrificed due to my studying impulse. However, it really turned out to be more than studying. I'll explain later.

I was so bored of just staring at my dad wishing he'd just connect the damn thing back to where it came from so, I scittered over to my room and switched on my school laptop which I was only going to keep for one last night. I had to do something with it before I returned it to the mean old lady at the library counter. Something special, something epic. Something that won't last for one night. Something I hope to continue for a long time to come. Actually I just needed a reason to type on it. I just love typing on this damn thing. It's clickety and clackety sounds are so sexy.

A purpose in life is something you develop in a moment. It doesn't generate or take time to surface like a hobby or a habit. It's something you realise in that split second. This raw desire to do something fruitful with your life while its destiny is still hanging by a thread, unwilling to fall and assume its rightful place. Why the sudden profound thought? Before you start guessing, no. I've yet to find my purpose in life. But darn it, I was close. The split second didn't really explode like I thought it would.

Back to what I did last night. Unwilling to waste away my night, I whipped out my Korean Phrase Book (how anti climatic) and began flipping through it. It was one of those few times I did something because I really wanted to, and not because of tradition or obligation.

Reading? Hah, come on Namira, you must have done something more that just read.
Well I did. Not to worry. I didn't build you up to this moment just to let it crumble in a pathetic mess.
Or did I?

I like them Plastic.

Michelle Days decides to jet off to the ultimate tourist destination, South Korea, after splitting up with her idiotic doofus of a boyfriend, Ling. What was supposed to be just another lonely trip to a cold, foreign, winter country turned out to be more than what she expected as a bittersweet romance brewed along the streets and pavements of the land of kimchi and plastic boybands. Will her heart manage to get wooed by the suave stylings of this debonair Korean romeo or will she never again open her heart to love and all of its wonders?

Impulsive? Or just plain nonsense? Worth looking into. ;)

excuse me sir, my drink wasn't announced.

2009-10-18T00:16:00.000+08:00

I just know I have to blog today because I brought the school's laptop home and typing on it makes me feel superior, heartless and stuck-up. So this is how my General Paper teacher feels like everyday.

I've always wanted to stay online until really late and use the laptop in my room. But my parents never allowed it because they thought I would do bad things if I escaped their watchful eye. Which if funny when you think about it because the language I use on my blog doesn't really scream 'I'm a good girl' don't you think? I really thank the heavens that my parents do not express any significant interest towards my blog. Otherwise, I'd be sent to a full-time madrasah or something.

Today was chillin' day with the hulabagi girls. Me and Syaf agreed that this was a good way to distress after a whole lot in-your-face promos. We ate at 18 chefs which is this restaurant at the first floor of EastPoint at Simei. There was this really mean makcik that refused to put cheese on top of my sphagetti. I was really lazy to choose the three step thing (you have to go there to understand) so I just wanted pasta. The hulabagi girls know how picky I am with my food. Pasta must have cheese on top of it. When I asked her really sweetly whether I could have some cheese she just dismissed me with a curt 'No.' I was really upset after that.

But the food really cheered me up. The sphagetti (with a whole lot of cheese powder as my only substitute all over it) was exceptional. The staff, other than you-know-who, were really friendly. The girls' pasta looked really tasty and I'm sure as hell that they enjoyed it. The whole mood of the restaurant was really happy what with the nostalgic love songs from the nineties and the top-notch original art that made the restaurant no less that spectacular.

A really original concept and great food. What could possibly go wrong at 18 chefs?
Five stars all the way.

We decided to diss the Simei scene and head backwards to Tampines after that. At Tampines1, the girls hungrily shopped at Diva, Dorothy Perkins followed by Topshop and Uniqlo. I realised something odd whilst accompanying them shopping. I, Namira Nasir, shop like a guy. I'm not the kind to go out on a shopping date on impulse with absolutely no idea on what to buy. I only shop for clothes when I really need them. Otherwise, I have absurdly no motivation to shop whatsoever. I really feel uncomfortable with just walking around aimlessly and pretending to be interested in the clothes in front of me. However, I really did enjoy looking at syaf siska and mary shop so happily, frolicking from one clothes rack to another.

I saw really sexy black leather gloves and adorable maryjanes at Topshop though. There was also this stunning biker's jacket which I am going to buy one day. The delicious tops at Topshop are wonders to look at. I just love Topshop. It is my favourite store. Most of the stuff they sell there have this twinge of the eighties scene which I absolutely lust for in clothes. Those bright colours and crisp designs are just amazing. I love Topshop also because it has white floors. I love white floors.

After a heartfelt farewell to Siska, I went to COMICSCONNECTION, which was my dorothy perkins at the time, because I was on the hunt for superjunior merchandise. The girls simply do not understand my passion for superjunior. Haha, only connie, xiaoqi, sherly and suu understand at this point. I left the store with a BEAUTIFUL pink mirror that had three seperate pictures of the boyband. I couldn't be happier. The girls were happy too that I managed to find something I wanted.

After that, we went home. As we sat at the 359/88/3 bustop at whitesands, I couldn't help but sadly and fondly remember the times when we used to sit at the exact spot wearing our secondary school uniforms only a year ago. The times when we manage to meet up come once in a while and that makes me sad.

I can't help but feel lonely tonight. I don't know how I could feel such an emotion after such a splendid day. But, I've taken two doses of reality and despite having many friends, I never actually did realise how lonely I am. You should have seen the smirk I just gave. I make myself laugh. I'm spluttering out nonsense. Why should I wallow in self-pity? I'm really pathetic. I don't understand myself at all.

People who overimagine, tend to die early because they lie to themselves and God says that we aren't supposed to lie.

namie: hey mary what's your GPA?

mary: (says a really high GPA but I'm scared she doesn't want me to say it here.) JC also got GPA is it?

namie: no our GP: U.

syaf: OMG NAMIRA GOOD ONE!

mary: ....

(thanks feefee for this joke.)

2009-10-16T00:18:00.000+08:00

hey everyone. I borrowed the school's laptop and brought it home today because my mother was being super annoying and keeping the laptop at home to herself. Therefore, being the insanely wonderful daughter I am, in light of the sudden death of my beloved balcony desktop that used to be my mother's Indonesian Drama Provider Replacement when I brought the laptop to school, I decided to just borrow the school's one instead because hello it's free.

well considering that I cannot return any library materials by their due dates to save my life and that I have to pay $10 for every day that this laptop is overdue to my school library, I am pretty much broke for the rest of the week.

Oh well I shan't complain any further.

Promotional Examination Results has taken a toll on me since I have resorted extensively to other forms of recreational activities to curb my incessant worries.

SIGH.well this is just an update.
I'll see you guys later.

I've been known for a lot of things, but never one.

2009-10-14T11:49:00.001+08:00

I just can't wrap my head around it. This might seem like a very dramatic introduction into a very profound blog post but I'm afraid you'd be disappointed to realise that this is just one of those days that I just have to sit at a school library computer and ramble.

Things have been on my mind lately. Most of them shouldn't be in my head at all. Either because, it is clearly very distracting, my thoughts won't bring me anywhere or I just don't want to involve myself in that particular situation at all.

It saddens me how drastically people change. It saddens me more how little we know about a person before we really get hurt by him or her. It makes no sense at all to engage with a person that gives little or no response in return. It's like knocking at a door for three hours when no one's home.

I need to know that I'm not being paranoid and I need to know that my thoughts aren't overimaginative. I know I talk about this so many times on this blasted blog but I just can't get the message through. Words aren't enough to penetrate the stubborn shield that one is capable of hiding behind.

I want to talk things through, but how? I'm not one to confront. I want to make this person realise that what he or she is saying is utter nonsense and that I want him or her to stop it at once. I want to yell at this person and make him or her feel how I'm feeling.

Why am I so frustrated? One day, when the air really is cleared (like that's ever going to happen because storms happen alot lately) and all the drama has evaporated, I'm wondering what is going to spur this person on because it seems to me that all the lies he or she has been hiding behind is getting more and more dense. No not dense, inflated. It's going to expand so much that its going to pop. And all that will be left is orange rubbery rubble and air.

screw it.

battle of the beauty queens.

2009-10-10T19:56:00.001+08:00

Miss Pilar Carmelita Arlando is our new Miss Singapore World.

In my opinion, Pilar is a lot more charming. And her English is quite outstanding. Well, compared to Ris’s English, anyone’s English could be considered outstanding. Though, I really didn’t appreciate her cynical comment regarding the former Miss Singapore World. This is what she said after asking to comment on what makes her a better Miss Singapore World.

"I do not have any convictions or criminal records I enjoy travelling, baking and participating in various sports activities. I’m a good girl."

..and.

"I’m sure that they saw my capabilities as a main title—holder, so I believe I don’t see myself as a replacement. I know the bad press was centred on Ris Low about her English but it does not affect me because I’m confident in the words that I say and how I speak."

I guess there can never be the perfect beauty queen.

For your information, Pilar was the second runner up in the competition. The first runner up, Claire Lee, had a back injury. Which didn't allow her to stand for long hours. Haha. Okay I'm sorry. I really hope Claire gets better so she could stand up straight. I'm sure she is a nice girl.

OHH MY GOD check this out. RIS LOW has a wikepedia page.

ooh she's 1.70m. Which means I'm taller. Muahahaha. Yes I cannot help but noticing such things.

diploma in Hospitality and a diploma in Nursing. hahaha. studying STEEL. okay I don't even know why I'm talking about this. I want chicken rice.

you didn't have an answer. But I did, and it wasn't "I don't know."

2009-10-09T20:13:00.002+08:00

Needless to say, I've been M.I.A for a while. You cannot honestly blame since I've been swamped with promotional examinations. Is it just me, or does one have the odd compulsion to cringe everytime we hear the term promos or exams nowadays? I think it's just me. oh well.

Do you know how it feels like when your world just suddenly becomes so empty? It's like riding in a really really fast train with your head stuck out of the window for five hours and then getting off and standing in an abandoned station, completely still, completely unmoving. Your mind is still zooming and travelling at a thousand miles per hour but your body is as still as the air around you. I'd call it a culture shock but that would be putting it too mildly.

So much time, so much energy invested and poured into something and when you take a step back just to look at it, you cock your head to the side and say 'what the hell?' It's utterly confusing. It's like baking a big fat, multi-tiered vanilla cake. Okay imagine that. A HUGE cream coloured vanilla cake. So you dump in the flour and you trash in some eggs and you crush in some sugar. And then you realise, I'm not going to eat this cake. I hate vanilla. I like chocolate.

So what have I been doing all this time?

I wish my life was MIO TV.

Meanwhile, while waiting for the you-know-what to come out on you-know-when, I've been immersing myself in Korean culture. When I say culture I really mean media. When I say media, I really mean music. When I say music I really mean boybands. When I say boybands I really mean Super Junior.

Thirteen boys, thirteen names, thirteen perfect faces. Everytime I tell my sister this, she'll always say 'come on namira! they're plastic!' Yes indeed, you cannot really trust those maliciously handsome faces because the Korean government subsidises cosmetic surgery. But I really do not care if they're plastic or not. Even if they are, it just means that they're my Boyband dolls.

A lot has happened since the last time I updated (that's for bloody sure.) so here is a rundown.

1. Promo Exam Preparation (shudder.)
2. Promo Exam (cringes.)

3. Post-Promo Exam State (ugh.)

4. J1 Bash.

I'd like to talk about number four because the rest are just shit. The J1 Bash was no less than amazing. It was so refreshing to see all (okay about two hundred) of your friends all dressed up and glittery and fantastic looking. Away with the vulnerable masks of terror and studying grime and hello to retro skirts and dresses and crisp shirts and top hats (hah. I wish.)

But I'm kind of disappointed at the absense of mocktails that the council promised in the feature slide show. It was one of the significant reasons I came actually.

no seriously, where my party people at.

and then, just when I thought I couldn't get hurt.

it happened.

just an outlet.

2009-09-28T21:24:00.000+08:00

I don't need to have profound english to tell this to your face.

I'm tired of hiding behind shallow words. I am not superficial.
but how else can I make you understand? Do I have to keep stooping to your level?

Can't you just decide? Will you ever be happy with what you have?
No, I don't think so.

what's the rumpus, ace?

2009-09-27T22:37:00.001+08:00

It's been a turmoil of a weekend. I am tired and hungry. yes hungry.I really need to take a break. I can't tomorrow because I have my chemistry consultation. ahh okay namira. Soon it will be over. OVERRR.

The F1 race was great don't you think? Singapore did a great job at pulling the whole thing off with a bang. Our government sure knows how to throw parties. It was such a snazzy weekend. Very booms. HAHAHHAHAHA. Yes yes I just found out about booms. It's hilarious. I so cannot believe she got arrested for credit card fraud. What a winky.

It's really cool that the news was pushed back because of the race. I wonder what kind of programme would call for a push back of the news to a later time. Definitely not Harry Potter. I can just imagine some cynical non-sports interested/inclined middle-aged man poised frustratedly in front of his TV wanting desperately to watch the news and cursing ever so often at the glaring lights of the F1 track. It's kind of funny when you think about it.

okay, I wanna go watch Full House some more.

[edit/] now that I re-read my blog post, I realize I sound obligated somehow. Weird. 0.o.[/edit]

I just don't know if I'm worth it for you anymore.

2009-09-25T11:00:00.001+08:00

I've been very sick lately. My mental capabilities have been seized temporarily by this paralyzing sickness I call probable H1N1. I was very worried that I'd manage to get attacked by the sickness so I went online just to be sure.

At yahoo, I typed in H1N1 symptoms and lo and behold.

H1N1 symptoms, flu (check), fever (check), cough(freaking check), body aches (check), vommiting etc.

ah WHATEVER. I always get paranoid about me getting diseases. I don't want to go to the doctor because its too expensive and my mother can use that money for better use like.... celery or something.

sigh. promos are going to be over soon. after thaat, I can drink coke until I die, I can go out until I die, I can go party until I die, I can go watch BoysOverFlowers and the SuperJunior movie Conniekins is going to lend to me until I die. Also, I can stay up all night talking until he kills me. well, that is if he'll still have me. I've not been a very good friend or whatever it is I am to him. One hour is just not enough.

ah crap. but HE has school.
isn't it funny how I am practically bed-ridden with diseases with a burning temperature and a persistent cough that this is the only thing I can think about?

selamat hari rayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

2009-09-19T21:51:00.000+08:00

to all of those celebrating this joyous occasion tomorrow,

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri.

to all of those NOT celebrating this joyous occasion tomorrow,

study in the name of promos.

I love you because I have to,

Namira Nasir.

wake up charlie.

2009-09-17T20:51:00.002+08:00

I'm going to be vacant for a few days.

I'll see you all when I see you.

tough times and chapped lips.

2009-09-14T22:45:00.000+08:00

Her lips quiver in the hot night. Her eyes anxious and her stride broken. Her facade is fading as her steps become weaker, as her nights become warmer. She begins to realise as she approaches, that his smile didn't catch her heart like it used to. Golden and oh how sweet charm had melted into a malicious, mysterious malovelence.

A want,
no,
A need,
no,
a desperate, unfleeting desire to be craved for and wanted, crawled inside her, threatening with each sliver to eat her alive and take whatever's left of her sanity until she's on her knees, begging for an escape from this manifestation of hell.

ugh. and I lost my creativity. I just needed something else to do other than chemistry.

to you, talk to me.

ALMOST PARADISE... incoherent mumbling attempts at Korean

2009-09-13T11:59:00.001+08:00

fine. My blogger refuses to work so I'm just going to do this the hard, traditional and manual way. I think I'm at the Edit HTML part of the Create Post because the font is shit. I hope it doesn't turn out this way later on when I press the Publish button.

It's the end of the September Holidays already and I feel that I have accomplished quite alot. Well better than expected anyway. If I continue along in this 'streak' I would be able to finish my syllabus by... hmm I don't know.. April next year?

Oh well I shall halt my whining to write down all the topics I've relatively covered during the holidays:

Physics:
Kinematics
Motion in a Circle
Gravitational Field
Thermal Physics
Oscillations
(Topics Accomplished: 5/9)

Economics:
Market Imperfections
Market Structures
(there is no monetary value for this one.)

Chemistry:
Introduction to Organic Chemistry
Alkenes
Chemical Equillibrium
Redox
Mole Concept
(Topics Accomplished: you know what I don't even want to know anymore.)

Maths: (ahem ahem)
Equations and Inequalities.
(Topics Accomplished: hee hee.)

So I've definitely been 'busy' these past few days. heh heh. I really hope I can keep this spirit up. Because God knows I don't want to have to repeat this all over again.

Kim Hyun Joong sunbae, get well soon. Saranghaeyo.

2009-09-11T20:54:00.001+08:00

What Should I Do?- Ji Sun.
Boys Over Flowers Soundtrack.

You ask me how my day was as if it is same everyday.
I say I'm okay but you really don't know how I feel.
Do you think I'll be okay without you?
Are you okay without me?
The world without you is so hard that I blame myself for still breathing.

What should I do? Even now, I live each painful days because of your words.
Tell me if this is a bad thing to do.
Are you living each day painfully like I am?
You and me.

Are we too late? Do we not have a chance?
I still think about you and you might know this.
Finally is it this? Are we going to end like this? Is it okay with you?
I dont think I can do it. The love I find with you, I wont find it anywhere even if I die.

What should I do? If it isnt you no one else can hold my heart.
Please hold me. And you know that even though the whole world tries to.
No one can erase your memories. So please hold me.
What should I do? Even now, I live each painful days because of your words.
Tell me if this is a bad thing to do.
Are you living each day painfully like I am?
You and me.

Is it too late? Do we not have a chance?
But me, I still think about you, and you might not know.

this is my favourite Korean sad, love song. It is by Ji Sun.
I just love it. It's so dramatic, albeit a tad desperate.
I guess this is what love does to people.

for the love of everything that starts with the letter A,

2009-09-10T20:23:00.000+08:00

I CANNOT DO THIS. LAST NIGHT, I PROMISED MYSELF I WAS GOING TO STUDY AT NIGHT AND ENDED UP WATCHING BOYS OVER FLOWERS INSTEAD. I AM GOING INSANE FOR JIHOO SUNBAE. HONESTLY? IS THERE A BETTER DRAMA ANYWHERE? (and I swear, if you say gossip girl I am going to scream.)

NAMIRA, SNAP YOURSELF OUT OF IT. YOU CANNOT WATCH BOYS OVER FLOWERS BEFORE YOU STUDY BECAUSE WE KNOW YOU WON'T BECAUSE AFTER YOU WATCH IT AND HAVE A KOREAN HOT BOY OVERLOAD, YOU'D STRAIGHT AWAY GO TO SLEEP TO REINACT THE WHOLE THING IN YOUR DREAMS. NAMIRA RE-READ THAT PARAGRAPH AGAIN. YOU AREN'T EVEN GRAMATICALLY CORRECT.

I, Namira Binte Abdul Nasir,

student, daughter, sister, neighbour, cousin, etc,

Hereby do solemnly swear,

to take my Promotion Examinations seriously,

to think ahead before my actions,

to realise that by not promoting, I'd be committing suicide,

not only for myself but also for... actually yeah only for myself,

to always remember that if you don't graduate to J2, you'd be freaking disappointed,

and you'd probably hate yourself,

above all, you won't be in 09S104 anymore,

and of course, you would not be the Publicity I/C for the Phobos House Committe anymore,

see isn't that sad? I know right.

Henceforth, as an advocation for my new found determination to promote myself academically,

I will from this moment on, take the appropriate and precautionary measures.

I will, study at least five hours a day, even though that Chemistry teacher said that if you do not study at least 12 hours a day you'd probably die.

I will, not watch Boys Over Flowers before studying because as previously mentioned, that would be a substantial hinderance to my studying regime.

I will not play anymore Star Wars, Return of the Jedi on Hakim's PSP anymore because it is just such an awesome game and I get so easily hooked even though my stupid brother had to buy the Luke Skywalker Ghost character for one million studs which I now have to earn back if I ever want the Darth Vader character. (it's okay if you don't understand what I'm saying.)

Namira, please do not get distracted by Eunhyuk or any other boys because there is a time for everything.

Thanks bitch.

in the mood for longer goodbyes.

2009-09-09T09:44:00.001+08:00

I am supposed to be doing my chemical equilibrium lecture right now. After that I am supposed to jet over to the club (not zouk but as in my SIA Sports Club) to get some major studying down. But I guess I could spare some time for a short blog post.

I like studying alone. I suppose when I told people I like studying in groups, I lied. I cannot study with people, they distract me. Or I distract them. Either way, we'll just end up watching a movie or having lunch at City Hall and neglect the notes we brought. It's really funny when I look back and realise how much time I've been throwing away in 'study groups'. Don't get me wrong, some of the study groups I've been to were really effective but let's just say I am a very people person.

Talking to him yesterday, he asked me how I was like when I was younger. I began to think about the younger me. The shorter me. The Namira without the O'levels and the Promo jitters. I asked my mother about my younger me and she said that people really liked me because I never cried. Some stranger could pick me up when I was a baby and I wouldn't even make a sound. She also said that when I was a child, I liked to kiss people. This worried me a little because the idea of my publicly kissing random people just disturbs me. But this was the younger me. I'm sure I knew what I was doing.

Mother said that I was fat, smiling baby. She was right. As I flipped through my baby photos, all I saw was a big baby girl beaming up at me from the pictures. See this just shows that parents should start feeding Coke to their babies from an early age. Not too excessively, please.

hey you, wanna go for a study date?
to the rest of you, did I bore you again?

mazlan, mazlan where for art thou mazlan?

2009-09-08T18:32:00.000+08:00

today my dad came home from work bearing a white envelope. Eagerly, he opened the envelope hoping it was the government saying that they will reimburse all of his taxes and get a million dollars by the end of the week but sadly, it was merely a wedding invitation. A brown wedding invitation. With a disappointed sigh, he opened the invitation and read it.
Aghast and abruptly, he sat upright from his blue lounging chair, eyes awide. Everyone turned to look at him. Silence shrouded the living area other than the sound of Pocoyo telling the narrator that he is not afraid of the slide on the telly. Moments passed, and none of us moved. Unable to handle the suspense, I went over to his chair and took the invite from him.
oh it was such a pretty invite.
In gold embroided fonts at the front of the invitation, set in a discreet outline were the words:
You have been cordially invited to the wedding of Mazlan Bin Ahmed Roslee and...

*gasps*

...and Namira Binte Abdul Nasir.

the first thing I said was 'DAD DID YOU HOOK ME UP WITH ONE OF YOUR WORK PEOPLE?'
haha you all fell for my suspense didn't you? oh well. it was a good story.

thinking about the days when play was gay.

2009-09-01T21:23:00.004+08:00

UGH. I just posted a really long and BORING post just now. Here's an peek into what I was babbling about just now.

"today was a quiet day. I barely communicated at all unless in dire need like, 'mother, I'm going out.' or 'hakim, be quiet.' or 'nadia can you please pass me the chilli sauce.' I intended to post last night but I decided to forget the idea because it would have just sounded sad or melodramatic.
.

.
God blessed me today with a slight drizzle which was enough to keep my mind off somethings completely. Enough to wash away all the sorrow and insecurity that never seemed to go away. The great thing about leaving the house is you see beyond the four walls, and with that, you subconsciously see beyond yourself. Not to say that I see my house as a mental constraint, but sometimes, a little fresh air just blows away the boundaries you've lived by for so long. In a way, things start making sense."

OMG is it just me or am I getting BORING-ER?
I really do not like myself right now.
ee namira boring sampai last warning.

today was fine everything was fine my life is fine so what's there to know? that's the only part of my that you know of. the FINE part.

because you don't see me for who you are.

2009-08-30T20:51:00.003+08:00

I am going to break your heart,

just so you won't break mine.

2009-08-28T20:33:00.002+08:00

MY LATEST KOREAN SNACK.

Super Junior. I never realised how hot they were.

until now.

CALL ME FIVE HUNDRED YEARS LATE, but fuck, I love them.

My favourite you ask? heehee, the one who practically does an entire solo at 2:48. I am a freaking sucker for men who can dance like that. He's the one wearing sunglasses in one of the dance scenes. His name is EUNHYUK. without a doubt, the best dancer in the entire group.

thank you conniekins and xiaoqi my beautiful beloveds who have blessed me with the

magic that is superjunior.

I will never forget the forty five minutes we spent sharing videos online and using capslock and shrieking while we spoke reverently about our Korean Heroes.

Asians Rock.

hmm. but I'll make an exception.

2009-08-25T20:50:00.000+08:00

I love every single one of you guys.

This picture is the sex.

orgasmic, I tell you.

09S104 BAIK KAPPA MEMBERS!

2009-08-23T14:22:00.001+08:00

there is nothing I can do but laugh at you.

reality check please.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

bitch.

2009-08-22T17:54:00.000+08:00

what a hectic week, we've all been experiencing. well, not really. it's been kind of mellow for some, but it has definitely been a roller coaster for me. Oh namira, when will you ever stop saying that your life is a rollercoaster? practically everyone's life goes up and down. what with the whole air ada pasang dan surut shit. sigh. I am so cliche.

managed to get alot of things done by this week and I have been so proud of the results. I am POSITIVE that there is a peribahasa about getting what you deserve but damn I can't recall it.
I got a nine/25 for my physics test. It's a fail but I was so happy because it was better than expected considering my major in physics. Furthermore I got a 16/30 for my economics test. I am very proud of that. sungguh. awaiting chemistry, math and malay now. I cannot believe mr.wong wants me to drop chem H2. then might as well NOT be in the science stream right? bugger.

also, me and the pubics got the house score board done. we've decided to forget the whole 'vision' idea completely. the house committee for 2009 doesn't have a vision. WE ARE THE VISION DAMN IT. cheyyy. baik kappa. haha someone quote me.

OH RIGHT. I sprained my foot on friday. I didn't sprain my ankle, like normal non-airheaded people do, but I sprained my foot. but I am wearing ern's ankle guard. I was spinning, spinning and spinning during dance and I just fell. the last thing I heard was ern telling me not to lean back. then I fell.

now I limp wherever I go but on the plus side, I GET TO WEAR AN ANGLE GUARD. I mean, clearly, only sporty, cool and athletic people wear ankle guards. so now when people ask, 'OMG NAMIRA WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FOOT?' I get to say, 'oh I sprained it when I was dancing.' I am not going to say 'oh, I fell on my foot,' because that makes me sound like such a bimbo. how do I know this is because when faris asked me 'what happened to your foot?' I said 'oh I fell on it.' then he was like 'how can you fall when you dance?' when I thought about it I was like yeah, the dude has a point.

mjc has some of the most profound people. though, thoroughly blatant.
I need deep breaths. in with the good air and out with the weird air.

well. I think this week I've professed the phrase 'I love you' more than I reckoned I ever could. the situation just calls for it, you know? I didn't think that one person needed reassurance but heck, I had to give it to him. sometimes, he is just so annoying but sometimes he is just wow. yep. WOW. (:

2009-08-21T21:38:00.002+08:00

these were a strokes of bloody genious! thank god technology is good for something!
the second video's robots danced better I think. still, the first is so cute and robot-ish.
SO CUTE PLEASE WATCH IT.

2009-08-18T06:07:00.000+08:00

yesterday I fasted. As in abstinence fasted, not speed fasted. Wait there is no such word. Well assuming the abruptness of my first statement, I guess I should explain.

I woke up alone yesterday at around five to stuff my face with food so that I'd be able to withstand the whole day. I ate half a packet of mee kway teow goreng and a bowl of cookie crisp cornflakes. I drank three cups of water, and went to go study maths (which almost made me curse but I was not allowed to because I was fasting.)

When I arrived at school, little did I realise how difficult it was to keep my tongue in check. I said jackass in the first hour and several followed after. Syafiqah said I performed a m-u-phlegm-rim. So adding all of those up together, it's apparent that I committed so many sins that I might as well have not fasted. Well I have to because last year I was having you-know-what.

Damn it. Some more cikgu rai gave us HELLO PANDA DURING MOTHER TONGUE. AND DURING ECONS TUTORIAL MS.TAN WAS GOING THROUGH A QUESTION ABOUT PIZZAS. hahahahahha it makes me laugh to think about it now. you know what, I had a major bimbo moment, which does not occur often. I was going to the toilet, then when I came back, I walked past my classroom because I thought my one was at the end. I didn't realise until I saw some chinese dude sitting at my seat at the class beside and when I heard roars of laughter exploding from my real classroom.

sigh.
eh I am going to eat now.
bye.

2009-08-17T06:14:00.000+08:00

our love is like a song.

you can't forget it.

;)

to whom it may concern: please don't worry. I'm fine.

but what about you? are you really fine?

tell me what's wrong, and I promise I'll help.

in any way I can.

even though I am simply words and music on your computer.

I'm here.

2009-08-12T21:18:00.003+08:00

BAIK KAPPA MEMBERS.

today was an exceptionally sweet day. I loved today. it was particularly happy, sunny and everything seemed to be going well. I had good vibes about today. OH. but there were some bitter moments as well. can't I ever go through a day without it being tainted by negativity? I wonder.

SWEET:
on wednesdays, me and syafiqah do not go to school together. okay this is not the sweet part in case you were wondering. I don't know why we don't but I guess it's just something we've gotten used to since the dawn of the days we started walking to school together which was like secondary three or something. Wednesdays were always late. which meant namira could sleep longer, and syafiqah wouldn't have to wait. it's a pretty efficient system if you ask me.

soooo, this morning was a mad mad rush. I had to finish my chem tutorial, malay kefahaman and the GP presentation which was BLOODY IRONIC because I will tell you why later. so I didn't managed to finish anything which was perfectly fine by me because at least I managed to cover a bit of everything. hmm, this is beginning to sound more and more bitter than sweet. oh well. so I was late, it was seven forty and I still wasn't dressed and my clothes were not pressed (OMG THAT RHYMES). So I was rushing like mother freaker and I was only ready at eight.

at this point I had already imagined the look on Ms Lai's face as I strode into the hall, blantantly late, with a panic-stricken look on my face. I pictured the whole thing perfectly; from the slide she would most probably show about ATTITUDE or some crap like that, right down to the annoying snickers of my classmates. It was beginning to dawn on me that my day would not start uncrappily. Thus, my busride was jittery. I cursed every red traffic light and silently prayed for the bus driver to suddenly have to urgently take a piss and drive alot faster.

HOWEVER, when I arrived there at EIGHT TWENTY, which was 'five minutes late', most of my classmates were still at the atrium. S111 and S113 were still at the study benches and there were alot of people gathered outside the hall. I was saved! thank God for principals who just cannot shut up. the bloody thing started at EIGHT FORTY FIVE which was unbelievable. faces of impatience and annoyance were common sights outside the hall.

BITTER:
the talk was... entertaining. well, actually to be honest, I wasn't quite paying attention to what she was saying. But I got a gist of it. Especially the parts where she slammed the arts students. That part was uncalled for because as far as I am concerned, the arts people I know did relatively well. I didn't really feel she should have displayed such a negative air about the Arts students. The science students' results weren't remarkable anyway.

basically to sum it all up, she had only three suggestions to give us. in the whole forty five minutes for which she spoke she only told us to do three things:

"1. don't fail backwards. fail forward never mind. fail backwards cannot.
2. drop a freaking H2 subject.
3. when all else fails, get out of MJC already. clearly your standards are too mediocre for my uber cool custom animations that I used in my uber cool powerpoint presentation. "

I discussed it with my father this evening. My father came up with a brilliant conclusion for the WHOLE SITUATION, which is not surprising. he said that Ms. Lai was actually using REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY on us. quote unquote from dad 'namira, now you're angry. but trust me, every student in that hall will go back to their parents, complain and then go study like kiasu to prove your principal wrong. your principal wants you to prove to her that she is wrong. don't you see?'

MY DAD'S A GENIUS. WHOA OH OH OH OH OH OH.

just to round up my entire day, funfestique was abnormally FANTASTIK. PHOBOS IS JUST AMAZING. THANK YOU TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN PHOBOS FOR MAKING THIS WHOLE EVENT A BLOODY SUCCESS. to EMILYN! YOU WERE FANTASTIC LA SAYANG. (:

secondly, banner day was today. the day when we made A WHOLE NEW BANNER after making one already a few weeks ago. TO THE PERSON WHO STOLE OR THREW AWAY OUR BANNER, YOU HAVE CAUSED A MAJOR INCONVENIENCE FOR ALL OF US PUBLICITY I/Cs. Not forgetting Suuuhaidah and Syafiqah and Debra(h) and all the other house committee members who helped and supported us. I don't know who the hell you think you are, but if you do anything to put my friends and I in a rut again, I am going to burn down the school.

but I should thank you, because this banner looks quite nice.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN. our banner is kept safe and tight in the house committee room where no one can touch it except well.. house comm members! and teachers. and cleaners who have keys to every room in the school.

goodnight everyone, I shall turn in now.

you're scary when you come near me and breathe on me.
that's why you're never scary.
because you never do.

2009-08-11T20:47:00.001+08:00

radyzxz; how can I not listen to jet? they're the sex.

allyy; alllyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

mary; which girl?

Errfee; I had to send a message across. I guess my love for coke was enhanced that way. haha how could you expect any different fee?

Xiao Qi; HAHAHA OOPS I HOPE SHE DOESN'T SEE MY TYPO. yes it was a brilliant idea indeed:D Well I'm glad others can relate to it. makes me feel less alone. (omg just imagine how long I've not been replying my messages. this was even before the funfestique board was constructed!)

Connie; OMG REMIND ME TO BE JEALOUS OF YOUR HALO THE NEXT TIME I SEE IT. which is nevaaaahhhh because it is invisible muahahaha.

Sabrina; you've always understood me and everything I said sweetheart. (:

khairiah; that is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. thanks so much khairiah! haha though at times my stories can get too primary-six-composition-ey. but thanks sayang. I truly appreciate it. (:

ffariz; yeah I know surprising right? oh well. thank GOD for fiction.

mary; yeah well, not exactly how we planned it to turn out, wasn't it?

SALLY; OMG CHOCOLATE BOX THANK YOU SWEETIE!

Fadhil; don't worry got next year can try again fadhil. haha thanks so much! even though you wished me in school. hahaha (:

Tricia; aww thanks so much dearest! haha you never do? that's good to know ;) I know. and I'll always be here for you.

Zarifah; hahahaha thanks ZARIFAH SWEETIE(: you remembered?

Sabrina; thank you my darling :D

shareefah; HELLO HELLO! thank you so much!

ky; KUAN YONG MY DARLING THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REMEMBERING.

Tricia; same here dearest(:

Connie; HELLO CONNIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

vee!; LOVES YOU ALOT TOO ANGEL.

syafiqah; SYAF! it is orbit laa. where got off-beat! HAHAHAHAHA.

Connie; OMG CONNIEKINS WILL YOU ALWAYS HYPERVENTILATE WHEN YOU PASS BY MY CLASS? for me never mind ah. hahahaha.

Nadia: hahaha nadia ni tau. you kan sayang I. jangan nak jealous ah. hahahhaah.

sharifah nabilah; OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. NO NO NO NO NO. if skinny tall chindian take me out on a date I don't know what I'd do.

2009-08-11T20:44:00.000+08:00

how does one define herself as a dancer? tell me, so I can start acting like one.

2009-08-10T19:21:00.003+08:00

upsetting today. not upset, but upsetting.

I realize that I have failed to update my blog as frequently as before and this dictates by ever so perceived decline to virtual abandonment. Oh well. Right now my brother is playing with his stupid paper airplane and it keeps hitting my head and he keeps looking sheepish when I scold him and saying 'heh heh, sorry kakak. I'm not driving the plane.'

you know my brother used the word 'restless' in the appropriate context today? Unbelievable!

Not going to talk about trip to malaysia yesterday and trip back to singapore today because it's just nauseating. I forgot to bring my earphones to malaysia so I was suffering from an overwhelming case of motion sickness all the way across the causeway. And I wasn't at all comforted by the malay songs that my father insisted on playing on the radio, that night.

I met my house committee people today at City Hall. God I love City Hall. Hopefully the next time I go on a date, a charming skinny boy will bring me there. I mean what can you not love about it? There's superb shopping oppurtunities, great food and the ESPLANADE! I go gaga for the esplanade.

My house committee were disbelieving to the fact that I travelled all the way back from M'sia just to come and meet them. Fadhil said that I 'should have just stayed in Malaysia'. I couldn't miss our first ever house committee outing! It was integral that I was present.

LJS was consumed by our laughter and Matthew's instructions about the games that were coming up this week. *suddenly remembers that I bought kuih just now and have yet to still eat it and goes to kitchen to get it*
We're really excited for the upcoming ending of Funfestique! But it'd be a shame to see it all end, considering all the fun we had making it happen.

there's a physics test tomorrow which I am positive I am going to pass.
Well, I'm sure I'm going to pass.
hopefully.
praying for a pass.
I should just give up now.

on the way to Malaysia, with my mind unentertained by the soft flow or the loud blasts of music, what else was there to think about?

hmmm..... well maybe the trip wasn't so bad.(:

2009-08-07T21:44:00.000+08:00

I am indeed very exhausted after everything that's been going on. It's very draining and I don't like feeling tired. I just have a phobia of being exploited or feeling vulnerable. which isn't helpful considering I've been pushed and shoved for the past two weeks. Nonetheless, I aim to stand my ground and not to be rash anymore; though it is natural for me to do so. Chrystal lessons teach us to be resillient. But they don't teach us how to handle our emotions better.

On my way to school today I called Siska up because I was wondering whether she could hang out with me after school since its practically a day off. She was in the MRT already while I was just in the bus. Imagine the hours that polythecnic students have to be up and travelling. She said she was already at bedok. haha. we talked for a while, but we kept breaking up because she kept entering tunnels.

I miss you Siska. like nobody else.

Funfestique has been an undeniable rollercoaster but it has been bloody worth it. The people I've met and the new friends I've made from all five houses has just been an amazing experience for me. And the whole feeling of having to be responsible, the wind in your hair as you rush from venue to venue to assist the games that are going on or to cheer your house members on is just exhilirating. And who better to share it with than my baik kappa phobos members, hmm?

there are many hidden contreversies now. Zipping about and flying around, no one knows who or what. but one thing's for sure, everyone knows why. being a house committee member, you feel an unavoidable sense of... what's the word for it.... competition? yes competition. you feel so protective of your house pride that at times, it gets in the way of some things. like friendship. I don't know if any of you reading this would know what I mean, but it's definitely there. poised and threating. waiting for the misjudgement or the misunderstanding. when someone would falter and say 'what did you just say to me?'. then it would definitely strike. hurting the weak. the vulnerable.

funfestique huh? who comes up with these names? I mean they're awesome but they are so... orbit?

I know you read this.
serves you right.

2009-08-04T21:33:00.000+08:00

I only go to your blog, just to see how much worse this is all going to get. then when I arrive and read whatever you say, I just cross my arms and say 'damn, just when I thought she couldn't get any bitchier.'

stop bitching since that is what YOU HATE RIGHT? so stop and try to look at yourself, please? do you like what you see? of course you do, since you never look inside of yourself.

everyday I stop to think how the hell this is going to get any worse and as days pass they just do.
no one needs your opinion. so for once, shut up.

2009-08-02T13:31:00.000+08:00

you know things go bad when two people you really care about starts arguing.
I mean SERIOUSLY.

I didn't mean to blow this all out of proportion I really didn't. I didn't mean to fuel an argument between people who used to be so close. I don't even know why I am posting this! Honestly it's going to make things much worse than they already are. But I have to say something and not just leave it all out there for people to see. And this is between the three of us, honestly I didn't know how people who are not involved in this managed to get tangled up in the situation I really don't. Exactly how many people know about this? THIS isn't even a problem it's just something that cocked up in the process.

To HER:
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ME TO THINK? You may think I jumped to a conclusion and maybe I did. Okay I KNOW I did. But honestly, what else could I think? Out of NOWHERE this absolutely random and awful post on your journal popped out and when I asked you, you blamed it on a guy whom we've only talked about A YEAR AGO? AND FOR THE SHORTEST AMOUNT OF TIME POSSIBLE? And a post that so magically coincides with our problem here now? YOU don't tell me anything anymore what am I supposed to think? GO AHEAD AND CALL ME PERASAAN IF YOU WANT but fucking really, I couldn't make sense of the whole situation. You didn't want to tell me anything, even though I did. Even if I really didn't want to. Because I knew this would happen.

You say you feel indifferent about him. If you did then would you COMPLETELY ERASE HIM FROM YOUR CONTACTS? that isn't indifference, that is genuinely wanting to avoid someone. TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG. for once don't lie to me. don't make up stories like you've been known to do. For god's sake, you cannot blame me for thinking that you absolutely hated me. you don't talk to me, you don't share. it wasn't like how it used to be. and if you say you don't want to continue our relationship like how it used to be, I understand.

sharing is different than bitching.
you should know that.
I was hurt because you refused to tell me what I wanted to know most.
and he was the only one there who could understand me.

you say I've done something that you never reckoned me to do. but why don't you re-read your post and tell me that again.
tell me upfront please. don't hide behind livejournal posts.
if you want to argue, say it to my face. to publicise it for everyone to see. you might be thinking 'bitch you're doing the same.' this is because I have no intention of solving this problem through discussing with you. you might not hear from me for a long time. I hope you understand. me you and him need time to wrap this around of heads. think about what we've done.

just so you know, I was hurt by what you said. do you have reason to be? knowing I did not bitch? and what about YOU? WHO ELSE KNOWS ABOUT OUR PROBLEM? and how would I know that you didn't 'share' yourself?

but you were right about one thing though,
people should NEVER jump to conclusions.
and. they. should. never. lie.
To HIM:
I really didn't expect you to get so wound up over this. Couldn't we have talked this over? I know this involves you but weren't you the one who said that best friends shouldn't argue? especially over a boy? you told me that. and now you've started this whole problem that I now have to solve with her. Granted, this was a problem even before you intervented but now she is genuinely mad at me. you of all people should know that me and her have had our major differences that we couldn't solve.

maybe we did assume. maybe we did jump to a conclusion.
and maybe, me and her won't be best friends anymore. but if anything goes, it will go.
it's okay, I've accepted it.

I've nothing left to say. if this is how you want to end it, then so be it.

2009-07-29T21:46:00.002+08:00

oh golly gee I couldn't have asked for a more spectacular birthday. no, never. it's one of those incomprehensible things I can never comprehend. hmm does that make sense? oh well.

I woke up today, wait I didn't wake up I was already up, to the sound of my phone vibrating hysterically. Scores of people wished me this morning and I thank all of you who took the time. Yes even you faiz who messaged me at eleven twenty because you wanted to sleep already.

when I went to school, reassuring myself that if people were to forget my birthday it'd be okay because funfestique is more important, it turns out that there were so many people who did remember! even people I didn't recall telling. people came up to me and shook my hand, dancers/female house comm members came to scream at my ear, classmates hugged me.

leadership investiture on a bright wednesday. during our 'house committee group shot' all of a sudden a cake appeared and oh my goodness. there's just so much things that happened. it makes me feel like crying.

my cake. no wait cakes. CAKES. I HAVE BLOODY AWESOME FRIENDS LAH. haha my beautiful coffee cake and my amazing pandan cake (which I got yesterday) that I not only got to taste on my tongue but also feel on my face. and my neck. and my arm. and my leg. I think some got on my skirt too. yeah definitely got some on my skirt.

after which there was the banner shopping/making and badminton trials that were so much fun. CONNIE is a brilliant shopping partner. the publicities feat suu and danny did a good (even though blotchy) job painting today. can't wait for tomorrow I get to do it again.

I went home alone. I think it's a good thing to spend sometime alone on your birthday. there's alot of things we can't mentally and emotionally express when you're with your friends. so yeah I cried and laughed in the bus, holding my silver cake platter. I think the people in the bus thought I was insane. I don't think I want to throw that away. I want to keep it. ohmygod can I? yes I will. it's my birthday I can do whatever I want with it.

I'd like to thank some people straight up:

firstly, SHARIFAH NURSYAFIQAH for that amazing present you gave me. I was beyond speechless. the time you must have put into that, I really can't imagine. syafiqah I love you sweetie. thanks for the lovely present.

secondly, SISKA AMEERA AND MARYAM ALJOFERI, for not forgetting. haha joking. I WILL meet you guys one day kay. I love you like mshfojdsghjkfsg.

FAIZ, ALYAH, SYAFIQAH, ZAFRAN, MATTHEW MOHAN, SISKA, EMILYN, FARIZ <3 HAHAHA, NABILAH, HANAN AND SOME OTHER PEOPLE WHOSE CONTACTS I HAVE LOST SADLY, thank you for your heartwarming wishes via SMS. sorry I couldn't reply to all of them! I SWEAR I DO LOVE ALL OF YOU. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

thank you SZE-ERN and RADYAMANSYAH for calling me at 11:57 p.m. I swear you guys sound so different on the phone. maybe it was because I was high or something at the time. HAHHA YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING LAAA. your birthdays I will do the same kayy. thanks you guys (: <3

NADIA, JAI/HADI, HADI, RAUDHAH, ATIQAH, KEVIN, SABRINA, BENJAMIN TAN, WAN LIN, SHARIFAH RAIHANAH, ARLENE, RAZMILSYAH, ADWYNA, FFARIZ, NUR AFIQAH, FATTAH, KHAIRUNISAA, FAQIHA and RAHMAN for posting lovely messages on my WALL on facebook. I love each and all of them. I am going to reply to them later! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

TRICIA, SABRINA, SALLY, ZARIFAH, FADHIL who tagged at my blog! haha thank you guys I absolutely love it! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. must repeat three times.

to 09S104 for the pre-birthday celebration! THE PANDAN CAKE WAS SEXUAL MAN (eh fariz, you pandai pilih kek ah.). and even though I got some in my hair and face, it's okay. I forgive you guys. HAHA. better watch out on your birthdays. I love you guys!

I want to thank my mat best friend in the world SERINDER KAUR for the breathtaking and adorable simpsons card you gave me! what you said, it was so damn BAIKKKK. love you serinder!

SI EN my darling thank you for the beyond fantastic COLLAGE. eh I freaking love that picture of us la we looked awesome. and when I disturb you, it only means I love you. a hell alot.

FADHIL, ALYAH and NADIA thank you for the chocolate and the freaking gorgeous bracelet! I love them both so much siaaa. don't worry you guys are better. haha (:

To the SEVENTH HOUSE COMMITTEE FROM ALL FIVE HOUSES (special mention to danial for buying the cake!) THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE BIRTHDAY SONG YOU GUYS TOTALLY SWEPT ME OFF MY FEET ALL THIRTY FOUR OF YOU. thank you guys I cried a bit but you didn't see. haha I LOVE YOU GUYS!

To my lovely MERIDIANS, thanks for staring at me as if I was a crazed lunatic with half a sandcastle of a cake in my hand and cake on my face, skirt, arms, neck, hair. there was no cake box because I think someone threw it away. so I was like carrying the half cake around school like a delivery girl. thanks to all my beloveds who wished me in the corridors and hallways.

To my PHOBOS HOUSE COMMITTEE for being so understanding. Matthew and Firza, just wanna say that I couldn't ask for better leaders. thanks for insisting I go home. thank you to matthew for the wonderful words in the morning sorry I couldn't reply because the bus came! thank you firza for apologizing at night even though you absolutely didn't have to! Emilyn, Faiz, Nawawi, Fadhil thanks you guys for understanding too. I love you guys. I really mean it. PHOBOS HOT OR NOT.

To Shane Danial feat Belle. Shane you never cease to surprise me yet again. thank you for the lovely/beautiful flowers and my little XOXO bear. I couldn't love them more. I told you you didn't have to because you were all the way in LONDON but being stubborn as usual, you bought them anyway. thanks sweetheart, I love you (: and BELLE! haha you are in fact so much fun and so bubbly. don't tell shane what we talked about, yeah? it'll be a secret between us girls ;)

Lastly, to my family. MOM AND DAD, I know today was the first time in my seventeen years of existence that we didn't get to celebrate my birthday as a family on the day itself but there were some things at school I had to do. I love you guys the most! NADIA AND HAKIM, thanks for the presents I love you guys too. oh and thanks ATUK AND NENEK for the money. good fortune good fortune.

to namira: happy birthday you. don't stress so much lah kay. with such brilliant friends and family and cakes, what could possibly go wrong?

down with emo posts.

2009-07-28T22:24:00.000+08:00

FIRST YOU SAID YOU WON'T
THEN YOU SAID YOU WILL
YOU KEEP ME HANGING ON
AND WE'RE NOT MOVING ON.

WE'RE STANDING STILL
JENNY!
you got me on my knees.
JENNY!
is killing me.

why am I listening to this song? sheesh.
oh yeah, BECAUSE I FREAKING LOVE IT.

2009-07-26T19:39:00.000+08:00

I'm tired. I'm really tired of the deceiving.
Take me away and never lie to me again.
or just take me out back and shoot me.
because that's all I'm worth.
a gunshot and you facing me for once, not lying.
doing the thing you've always wanted to do.

optimism doesn't help anymore.
my every breath is yours. my every sound.
so now, can you please just tell me the truth?
I've not stolen anything from you.
I'm just another girl, another face.
the only thing you like about me is that you have your way with me.
I'm never angry at you. you can say whatever you like to me.
and I will just laugh.

you say I've stolen your heart,
well you've stolen my everything.

I have a real post coming up later.

2009-07-25T19:34:00.003+08:00

there is no sun now. there is no rain. as I look out of my balcony window, everything seems to basked in a soft, dim blue. this should be the weather for singapore everyday. it's so calm. people are afraid to go out just because they fear they'll disrupt the perfect cosmic balance of dusk. so still. no one moves, no one breathes. everyone just stares out of their balcony windows, staring at the sky, praying it'll never go away.

a boy walks alone, hands in his pockets, apparently caught up in his solitude. he stares at the ground and looks up in the sky. unthinkingly, he squints when he eyes the setting sun. he shrugs and continues studying the creases and cracks in the cement floor, unimpressed by nature's conversion from day to night. his golden black hair catches in the wind and caresses his cheeks. when he reaches the end of the pathway, he halts abruptly and deliberates. he turns on his heel and makes the same journey again, this time not pausing to look at the now disappearing sun.

I decided to question the dusk's perfect cosmic balance and stepped outside my door. I travelled down in an echoey lift. The doors parted and I searched for the boy. He was still engrossed in the grey floor, taking the same route I saw him take a dozen times. There was a faint furrow in his brow. I hid behind a pillar and watched him. He was too far away from my hiding place to see me, but I was close enough to hear him sigh. He stopped, midway of his pathway, and sat on the grass beside the pavement in one fluid movement. his rested his head in his hands.

I decided to approach him then. Deftly, I inched across the grass towards this sulky character and immediately regretted even taking the lift. I could turn back now, I thought. He's not looking. Yes that's what I will do. His head snapped up then, and I bit my lip guiltily. He stared at me confusedly then, and I just stared at my feet. He got up, straightened out his shirt and walked towards me. I was scared because his face was hostile.

He stopped just one breath away and stared down at me. I couldn't look down because that would be plain awkward so I stared at his perfect neck and breathed in his mouthwatering cologne. His breathing was shallow. We stood there for an immeasurable moment until he broke the silence and my neck-watching.

'Well, well, well.'
'Hello.'
'So?'
'Well..'
'Go on.'
'I'm sorry I'm late.'
'Late is kind of an understatement sweetheart. I've been waiting here for three hours.'
'Sorry.'
'What were you doing?'
'Staring at the sky.'
'Oh, I get it. I'm not as interesting as the sky, is that what you're saying? You could have called and tell me that you're going to watch the bloody sky instead of..'

I kissed him, then. Just to stop him. And because I missed him. I took his hand and we walked down the pathway, his eyes never left mine. I smiled then because I knew he found me more beautiful than the setting sun or the cement pavement.

2009-07-24T23:45:00.002+08:00

I'm too a tired to even talk about the dream I had yesterday. But I swear, it was beautiful yet so strange.

I promise I'll talk about it tomorrow. But for now, it seems as though my life only revolves around school. I might as well constuct my own bedroom at MJC. sigh.

my dream about a sailor.

2009-07-20T19:54:00.004+08:00

I'm feeling utterly lethargic today and I must say, its overwhelming. I really feel so tired as though I've just finished twenty two hours of school in a row. I might sound whiny now but what the fuck. I deserve to be whiny after all the shit I've had to put up with these past few days.

Being publicity I/C has put some major stress on me lately. I know have to collaborate efforts with the other four publicity I/C's and create a funfestique banner, decorate the events board which no one will see because the stupid councillors already took the visible side and also create posters to get people to join in the funfestique activites coming up.

I'm sure it's going to be fun because the pubics are bloody brilliant and fun people. Xiao Qi, Kenneth, Connie and Sherilyn are probably gonna make the gruelling experience a million times less suckier. So I guess I'm looking forward to it now.

Kenneth messaged me because kim told him to tell me that there's dance on wednesday. Joy.

sometimes, just to escape it all, I wish I didn't feel so alone in Meridian. I mean sure I have a lot of friends but heck, why do I feel so alone? does anyone really know me? when I say that I don't want to go somewhere, does anyone insist I go anyway even if I keep saying no? no not really. it's really difficult because the people you see everyday are the people you're up against and they know it. it's no use having a million friends if none of them really know you.

I think my homework is a lot less complicated than all this shit.

"you love me because I'm fragile. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity."

2009-07-18T20:36:00.004+08:00

mother says she doesn't understand me anymore. which is kind of a crude thing to say to your seventeen year old teenaged daughter who has just suffered a mental breakdown due to the catastrophe that is her my mid-year examinations.

it all started in the morning when I was helping her take out the trash. SEE, I was doing a good deed for her when she said she doesn't understand me. I will never understand mothers who refuse to show gratitude to hardworking daughters.

well the conversation started off when she noticed me carrying a trash bag which was leaking. trust me this doesn't happen very often:

mother: NAMIRA THE TRASH BAG IS LEAKING!
namira: oh. haha.
mother: DON'T HAHA ME! GO OUT OF THE HOUSE AND THROW IT QUICKLY!

so I ran to the rubbish chute like a hyperactive maid hoping none of the (hot) neighbours were watching me. I came back panting, I washed my hands thoroughly and went to sit at the sofa. I was watching her mop the floor when the real argument started.

mother: goodness. never check bag some more.
namira: sorry mama. it never occured to me.
mother: tsk tsk. this thing is going to make my floor sticky. WHO NEVER FINISH THE COKE?!
namira: wait what?
mother: the thing that was leaking was coke.
namira: OH MY GOODNESS THAT IS AWFUL MAMA.
mother: I know, it's going to make my floor super sticky now.
namira: NOOOO. THAT MEANS SOMEONE NEVER FINISHED IT! WHO COULD HAVE DRANK IT WITHOUT FINISHING IT?! THIS IS AWFUL. what a waste. what a waste.
mother: ...........I will never understand you, namira.

mommy, I love you.
dad, hakim, nadia, WHO NEVER FINISH THE COKE?!

2009-07-16T21:40:00.005+08:00

today is a very hmm day. there were so many things that happened today that just made me want to say hmm.. that means I was very thoughtful today. I should try and curb my thoughtfulness more because they usually magically transform into daydreaming.

chemistry was like ugh. their so called 'pep talk' was kind of effective I must admit. they were highlighting (ugh PW language) about how if we worked like freaking hard, we are sure and bound to get the results that we want which is kind of a relief because I was beginning to think that I wasn't making the cut in MJC because I wasn't smart. so now all I have to do is work hard. I suddenly feel like making a to-do list now.

to-do by tonight:
1. a bit of integration tutorial.
2. revise whatever gibberish that stupid lady was talking about during economics lecture.
3. find out what the hell that shy lecturer who kept on stammering as if she was talking to a crowd of cambridge examiners was talking about during chemistry. I don't blame her though, she seems awfully nice, if not a little timid.
4. find my damn chemistry and economics notes. (hmm maybe that's why I didn't understand whatever the teachers were saying. rightt...)

omg. I am sooo going to get at least two A's for my promos. I know its a longshot but fuck, I'm me. I'm sure I can do it. namira can do this, she can pretend to be intelligent.

and if I'm tired, I can just wash my face with cold water. that always works doesn't it? hell yeah.

hey you know what, my brother has MSN now. bear in mind, my brother is a decade younger than me which means he is in primary one. at primary one, the teachers are making little boys and girls get an msn account. WHAT. what happened to all the social consequences of introducing children to early to the world wide web crap?

well it's not really going to make much of a difference for my brother. he practically lives in front of the laptop. he likes to play those mindless games on miniclip.com. I have to start warning him about bad websites and all of that soon at the rate he's going.

I predict that by primary two, he will already have inherited my speed, elegance and ease in typing on the keyboard. And I've had oodles of practice. Secondly, my brother will have a girlfriend in primary three. This is because he thinks he can be like his kakak and talk to his friends all the time online.

hakim, when I was YOUR AGE, I thought only people mama and abah's age can talk on the phone, okay? I also thought that if I picked up the phone to call my friends, the receiver would bite my ear because I wasn't supposed to. I didn't even know what the hell internet was. but now, YOU are using phrases like 'kakak, the computer is running slow' or 'kakak, the computer's jammed' or 'kakak you have to press Ctrl-Alt-Delete'. HAKIM, YOU ARE GROWING UP TOO FAST. if you go on like this, you're going to be teaching me algebra when you're eleven.

I'm integrating myself now.

she said 'hey there boy come on over and sit.' love is when you want a kiss and you get bit.

I am going to reply tags now.

Danial: haha three pages is freaking alot for a slacker like yours truly.
allyy: if you're already rich, and your boot has a penny inside it, then how are you going to bring all your money home?
syafiqah: you and your Gu Jun Pyo madness. it's almost as unhinged as your obsession with andrew bravener! gasps!
siska: why don't you dooo somethang?
Sabrina: HAHAHA. yeah see I'm doing it again.
Connie: CONNIEKINS! he is super hot la kay.
nabzee: ohmygod. I SEE DEAD KITTIES.
nizam: haha I like you already. don't merajuk anymore kayy sayang.
mary: how to slap you? yes I know how you get with animals.
aman: what is this? is adzizul the lecturer and you're my tutor? I DON'T NEED TO KNOW THIS! hahaha.
syafiqah: um.. OKAY! hahaha.
aman: gasps! how can you say that about me.. haha so used to it.
siska: EHY! IF COKE CAN BEAT PLAIN WATER, IT CAN KICK ICE LEMON TEA'S ASS.
Danial: I wouldn't have felt so damn guilty about being on a holiday. I would have felt less guilt-ridden at those popular studying areas you mentioned.
siska: yeah I know right. I want to open a restaurant ah.
mary: hey that place really rocks okay don't underestimate it. you ah mary, all because you've never heard of it and is in malaysia doesn't mean there's no electricity. haha.
aman: no something reminded me of you. not that I was thinking of you.
connie: LINKED SWEETHEART (:
mary: yes?
Danial: why not? it WAS an inspired idea.
allyy: OMG THAT WOULD BE GREAT! a first hand encounter...
Danial: people-watching is the funnest thing ever. a bus is truly a place to broaden one's imagination span.
syafiqah: *gasps and starts crying*
Tricia: I miss you too sweetie.(:
syafiqah: yeah. it sent five times because I thought there was something screwed with my phone.
misscongeniality: hahaha the best tenex moment ever. I will never ever forget when we laughed so bloody loud that even the librarian was shocked! hahaha!
Tricia: HAHA yes my wedding is only going to serve coke. no food no nothing.
Errfee: AWW I LOVE YOU TOO ERRFEE SAYANG. *does secret handshake* haha secret my ass la.
fazz: is that a bad thing? I feel like I'm stealing material. I have no consideration at all for copyright infringements.
Danial: thank you dannny. ooh my stories are impactful.
syafiqah: haha we are like minah short story. though yours was much more overwhelming and powerful.
mary: haha yeah maybe I should concentrate more on short stories during lectures.
chilli sauce: high school musical is the sex.

I WANT TO APOLOGISE TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WATCHED HARRY POTTER TODAY. I KNOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO COME ALONG BUT I SERIOUSLY FELT UNDER THE WEATHER BUT TRUST ME I FREAKING WANTED TO GO AND IT WAS SUCH A WASTE YOU GUYS MUST PROMISE TO BRING ME AGAIN SOME TIME. SO SORRY ESPECIALLY TO SYAFIQAH AND DANNNY :(

2009-07-15T22:50:00.002+08:00

I think this is a very funny video.

Paris Hilton: I'd love to do a song with you.
Lady Gaga: uh-oh.

~~~

Lady Gaga: and I always thought Stars Are Blind was one of the greatest records ever. quite honestly, it's a great pop record.

(WHAT!)

2009-07-13T21:55:00.004+08:00

today was a fucked up day.
I really really hope my mother doesn't read this. she'll be like 'namira! WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT WORD?!'

I was really expecting what happened today to happen to me. but sometimes, we can prove to be quite helpless towards overwhelming disappointment. sigh.

today, mr.wong just HAD to return our chemistry papers before our practical. it was really retarded because I scored really badly. like REALLY BADLY. it was the worse yet. I knew, KNEW I would get those kind of marks but when I saw the marks, it hit me like a slap on the face.

chemistry NAMIRA! you love chemistry! well, loved chemistry.

I managed to inconspicuously text syafiqah during lessons. we shared our 'progress' in claiming our mid-year results. sigh HOW NOW SYAF? our mid-years are screwed. we're both going to poly la like this.

after I got my paper back, I absolutely did not feel like doing practical, at all. I dragged my feet while retrieving my apparatus and did the whole experiment half-heartedly. I used to love practicals. especially since we get to walk around the lab wearing weird goggles and purposely bumping into our classmates and saying things like 'which coloured indicator should we use?' I used to feel smart in the labaratory. like when I expertly carried three test-tubes in one hand, poured chemicals into conical flasks effortlessly.

a chemistry experiment is like a dance cheography. everything is so rehearsed and precise. everything has to be perfect. from the volume of your limiting reagent right down to your last decimal point.

but today, it felt like the day I got an absurd scolding from Ms Hwee but worse.

when I was getting all my stuff ready for titration, I was thinking to myself, "What am I doing?" Why was I bothering with everything that I was attempting to do? Why did I have to bother to avoid parallex error or get the right number of beakers or round off my percentage to the appropriate number of significant figures when I clearly was not cut out for this?

I looked around. Every single person in the lab at that moment was smarter than me. They knew what they were doing. They weren't acting or posing for the 4H2 paparazzi like I was. I was living this double life. I was a secret agent infiltrating a top secret naval base in Ukraine. All I had to do was to steal the computer chip that controlled the massive satelite floating in space above the Indian Ocean that had the ability to tap into restricted American Military computer softwares in ten seconds.

Sure I could hold a gun, somersault or beat up the evil henchmen. But could I control the satelite? No. I was just the James Bond. James Bond isn't even bloody smart. in fact, he's fat.

but back to earth, I'm just a girl who can't understand chemical equilibrium.
if I can't even do that, how am I supposed to save the world?
I don't even know where Ukraine is.

To Siddiq and Fadhil whom I went home with just now,

thanks for the stories guys. now I cannot sleep. I must get my sister to read me a bedtime story. *shudders*

to my abang (yeah you know who you are): hey jetsetter, talk to me soon kay? have a safe trip (:

goodnight my lovely readers.

2009-07-09T22:46:00.002+08:00

I thought of my angel again today. I felt him looming and lingering around me while I was buried in the endless titles of the MJC school library. remember I said angels didn't like the library? apparently that doesn't hold true for my angel. why do I attract all the weird boys? sigh. I love weird boys.

I thought I'd shake him off for today. but he said no deal because I'd been pushing him aside since the dawn of the mid-years. I shudder at the very thought and immediately he bites his lip, cautious now to not say anything that might send back the harsh memories through my mind. he stays quiet for a while, onlooking my browsing endeavour. he nods occasionally when the book I select pleases him and clears his throat if my choice disappointed him somehow. he is so picky it makes me want to tear my hair out.

his eyes stay on mine and I feel slightly distracted when they drift down my arm to my fingers that were playing across the spines of the row of books before me. when his eyes shoot back to mine, his lips turn down into a pout. He crosses his arms and with a defty sigh, leans on the shelf. I took in his crestfallen expression and felt my heart break. no angel should look so upset.

he doesn't meet my eye as I gazed at him. his eyes glaze over my face for a brief moment and immediately he looks away, as though he had just been caught stealing. he murmurs softly; so softly that I can barely hear him. I take one step closer to him and place my hand shyly over his. I ignore the shocks that the warm sensation of his skin shot through mine and whisper 'what's wrong?'

I stand there, waiting. time passed, though I barely took any notice of it. I was too caught up in his smell, his eyes, his breathing. I couldn't think straight. his mouth twitched.

'is this what it takes then?'
'to what?'
'to get you to come closer to me.'
‘what do you mean?’
‘all I have to do is put on a sad face, and immediately you’re drawn to me.’
‘you cheater.’
‘I never said I’ll play fair.’
‘you never do.’

Stop playing. how did I fall for a cheater?

ah. the result of absolute boredom whilst waiting for class to start.
sometimes, when a story emerges in your mind and you day dream throughout the whole lesson,
its good to let it out somewhere.

2009-07-05T15:07:00.004+08:00

if you missed the blog post I have just deleted, you just missed four paragraphs of well written melodrama. but it's okay, for the sake of the person I wrote about, I shall delete it and pretend it never existed. because it's not worth being upset over an angel.

I went to a wedding today, and as usual I paid very scrutinized attention to my joyous surroundings, picking out any social cliches that would be worth mentioning. I surveyed the occassion, not engaging in unnecessary chatter with distant relatives. I barely knew anyone there, it was like every table was their own world.

the thing about weddings is, sometimes, you don't even know who the bloody hell is getting married. so you scan the area, looking for any familiar faces that can cause a chain of links and relations to suddenly become plausible in your mind. there isn't anyone you know other than your overly-social grandmother who is talking hysterically with four other ladies whom are beyond your recognition.

when you arrive, the first question that comes to your mind is 'dang is it a buffet?' I don't know about you guys, but I dread buffets. just the thought of having to get up and queue for your food brings me back to the school canteen and is enough to make you lose your appetite.

mother always says, if it's a buffet, restrict yourself to one trip to the food tables and never go there again. this is very useful information to a youth who still craves social decency in front of a crowd. especially when you're like me, an itchy little brat who insists on wearing heels and sucking the entire room's attention to your extreme height, it's best to know that your actions are deemed appropriate in front of your elders.

thankfully, today's meal was served. a big plate of nasi briyani was placed in front of us once we were seated comfortably. this means that you can take as much servings as you want because no one's looking. God I love it when this happens. not to say that I'm greedy or anything, but it's just so much better when you don't have to leave your plastic chair.

malay weddings are astounding. the whole scene just bursts at you. at this wedding, soft off-white translucent cloth was draped over our heads, calming and softening the crude and blatant white of the walls. I soak in the cheery mood and eat my briyani and take a sip of my fruit punch. (which I dislike. I am soo going to serve coke and coffee at my wedding and make everyone high. yes even the makciks.)

then the berkat comes. berkat are tokens of appreciation for your presence at one's wedding. see this is why I adore weddings. you go there, and you get to dress up so extravagantly without anyone calling you vain, get free food and presents! it's like going to a party. only, the music blasting out from the speakers is some malay ballad about a girl named Suzanna and the only thing you'll get if you tell the people around you that the roof is on fire is a major catastrophe and seven heart attacks on your conscience.

when you go to a wedding, an unavoidable question that would interrupt your pathway of mind-wandering is 'Will my wedding be like this?' I guess it's too early to say who you're going to marry unless you live in a kampung in Malaysia. who am I going to marry? ah, what a random question.

thank god random questions are my forte.
when I say shotgun you say wedding.

2009-07-02T22:46:00.002+08:00

ugh. sorry I haven't been online to update frequently anymore. I'd proclaim a hiatus but I don't know, I just find it too cliche and if I really do start one, I'm bound to come running back to the computer in search of salvation anyway. So what's the point?

Sigh, so it's over. My first actual junior college examinations. Mid-year. ee, it sounds like a bad word on my tongue. I really can't help but cringe at the very thought of it considering how awful it went down. I've never been more unprepared for an exam in my life.

ohkay, actually I don't really prepare for exams but what the heck.

you know, for the day that I have my last examination like for now, it all happened pretty anti-climatic-ly. There were a turmoil of events today, all ranging from good and to freaking awful and it didn't help that my rollercoaster of moodswings was affecting my sense of judgement today.

I woke up at around, oh I don't know, THREE BLOODY O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. I don't know ah, I set my alarm for two you know! why? WHY?! because, I decided to sleep in last night. which means I arrive home, eat, bathe, sleep. no studying or whatever. to compensate, I thought, oh what the fish, might as well study in the freaking early hours of the freaking morning.

THEN, at SIX IN THE MORNING, I got an sms from my guardian angel, syafiqah, wishing me luck for my exams in the morning. she couldn't wish me in person because guess what? MY EXAMS WERE IN THE AFTERNOON. that is like soooofdfdsj fkddjskjgh. I wanted to reply her but my STOOOPID phone was jammed so I could only receive messages but not send them. WHAT>FPJKFDL. IS SONY ERRICSON like RETARDED OR SOMETHING. aaaaah. UGH.

so I tried sending her five similar messages that went like this,

I DON'T HAVE A PAPER? BAAAIIIIKKK. maybe I should not have woken up so early then. GOOD LUCK FOR LITERATURE SYAF. GO HEATHCLIFF OR WHAT'S HIS FACE.

but duhh I couldn't send it.
oh my goodness I am soooo bloody moody, in case you couldn't tell.

well so I went to sleep because I did not want to collapse during the exam. I went to study at McCafe with radyaman. that settled my mind a bit even though there was this little row we had about volume strengths and redox equations. my double chocolate ice latte (thanks siska and syaf for introducing it to me! I'm hooked by its creaminess yet coarseness!) was a godsend and it ferociously woke me up.

when I went to school, still in a daze by how absurdly random and insane my morning had just went, I took my temperature, ate my double cheeseburger in the computer lab and crammed whatever chemistry info I could in my brain before it exploded.

at this point, I knew I was done for. And so, I took a step back from my notes, closed my eyes and dreamed a time when I was happy. So I stood there, my arms a bit outstretched as if reaching for an invisible, yet unattainable fantasy, clinging to whatever remains of my old self. Praying that this beserk robot hadn't taken over my lifeless body permanently.

but when I opened my eyes, I stood there motionless, in the middle of a quiet, empty corridor. I imagined myself being as hollow as the corridor I temporarily inhabited. the air was still, unmoving. silence shrouded me, but occasionally, the shrieking laughter of carefree girls would pierce the quiet. how I envied them. I was carefree too.

was.
now I'm a girl who walks around murmuring to herself about dipole moments.
now I'm a girl who's idea of fun is sleeping.
now I'm a girl who goes to the library in her idea of recreation.
now I'm a girl who falls when she dances.
who cries when she falls. who falls when she cries.
who falls.
and can't seem to pick herself back up.

I don't know who I am anymore.

2009-06-26T08:39:00.002+08:00

I couldn't believe it. It was everywhere, screaming at me. But I refused to believe my ears.
How could the King of Music not be alive anymore? I wanted to see him so bad.
The way he moved, the way he sang, it was the reason why he was proclaimed a king. A legend.
He was the reason for the existence of so many celebrities that looked up to him.
Sure he was contreversial, but who wasn't? Everyone gets into trouble with the law in America.

Michael Jackson, there can be no one like you on this planet, who can move the way you do, and who can inspire the way you do. thank you for the music.

you. are. BAD.
Forget Billie Jean, because I'm sure as hell she's crying right now.
So have I.

2009-06-24T22:49:00.000+08:00

on my way home today, I realised something that perhaps, normal people wouldn't see. I don't really know why, but it just occured to me that the atmosphere in a bus resembles one of a social scene.

When you hop on a bus when its empty, you're most likely to get a seat unless you're one of those over the top men and women who actually believe in the outrageous and nonsensical poppycock that you can lose weight if you stand. So if you're like me, a escapist or a day-dreamer, you're most likely to slide inside and get the window seat so that you can gaze out into the night/day and stare/laugh/wonder at the people/cars zooming past you while forcing loud music through your ears and ignoring whoever's around you.

however,
instead of being so oblivious to the surroundings of the vehicle, have you ever wondered about choice in relation to a bus ride? I know it sounds weird, but really. if a person denies a seat beside you even though all the window seats around you have all been claimed, what does that tell you? Is it the way you're seating? Is it the music? Is it the way you dress?

let us first think. how does one choose a seat in a bus?

"As I enter the bus, out from the pouring rain outside, I realise that I haven't topped up the measely balance in my ez-link card for a week already. There's what, twenty cents inside? I rummage in my purse, praying for a dollar twenty. No one's going to believe I'm an adolescent with the way I'm dressing. I silently thanked God that I didn't spend all of my money at Frolick otherwise it'd be a forty-five minute walk and forty-five blisters for me. Apparently, my little treasure hunt caught the attention of eighty percent of the population in the bus. Okay, looks like no one's standing. I sooo don't want to stand up after an hour of aerobics with Miss I've-Never-Been-Laid-Even-Though-I'm-Forty-Seven this afternoon. Where should I rest? Okay, not sitting beside that lady unless I want her fifty NTUC plastic bags resting on my feet. Definitely avoiding that man with a sneezing fit and that lady who looks like a hooker on a bad hair day."

I have no idea why I am even writing this. I just feel like rambling right now.ok goodnight bye.

2009-06-22T23:31:00.003+08:00

miss purple font is sharifah nabilah.

miss I just feel like drawing a house all of a sudden is me.

haha, I love talking to her.

cool huh?

I become a minah when I talk to my minahs (and mats).

2009-06-22T10:46:00.002+08:00

I came back from Teng one day earlier than planned. The journey was, journey-ful.

On Sunday, which was Daddy's Day but I celebrated it a week earlier because I swore I thought it was last week. Besides, my father's birthday was this week so we acted as if we wanted to celebrate the two occasions seperately. My dad's so great that he bought it. oh well.

At noon, I called Siska to ask her what day the hulabagi date is on. Apparently, SHE HAD YET TO WAKE UP. tsk, SISKA. then when I was talking to her on the phone, she said, in a very groggy voice, 'Namie, is it father's day today?'

I went to Sheng Siong with Siska to help her shop for her Father's Day dinner. I had to pick out prawns for her and tried to convince her, but failed to buy optima flour which was integral for her cookies to work!

on wednesday, I'm gonna be having my House Committee Photoshoot. Fadhil (a.k.a Firza) message all of us to let us know that we were supposed to bring an item that symbolises us. I SWEAR I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO BRING. Then I asked Siska then she answered PERFECTLY. like the most perfect answer evahhh.

While looking at fishballs and fishcakes at Sheng Siong...
Namira: what item do you think symbolises me?
Siska: huh? umm I don't know.
Namira: SISKA! APPARENTLY FISHBALLS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME.
Siska: no laaa.
Namira: maybe a tissue box.
Siska: ???!?!?! bring coke ah.
Namira: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH YOU ARE SUCH A GENIOUS!
Siska: um okay.

thank you siska!

this morning, which is a monday, I woke up with a determined aim to mug the hell out of me. I got up, watched tv for an hour, made breakfast for me and my brother (?!), dance my cheerleading dance and the Nobody- Wondergirls dance. not once did I look at my desk or notes.

2009-06-19T11:30:00.003+08:00

firstly, I'd like to thank my eloquent associate for posting the previous post for me due to the fact that I was unable to do so myself. I know by me posting this, I have violated the terms that Sharifah has appropriately posed before this, but I was just idling around the hotel lobby when I decided to flip open my laptop.

P.S what rate syafiee?

yours sincerely,
Namira Nasir (the real one)

okay Terrenganu is great. you know what, for the use of the word terrenganu for the rest of this post I am just going to call in Teng okay because I am really superlatively lazy to actually use the whole name and I don't even know if I'm spelling it right.

The lobby of the Legend Hotel is great. It's really cozy and well brought together. There's the smell of smoke and coffee lingering but I shall try to ignore it. Why am I updating in the lobby you might ask. Well, even though I have a perfectly functional hotel room at level four, they don't have free wi-fi up there. I mean, they do but it's a whamming five ringgit for half an hour per use. while at the lobby, it's free. (:

you know, I am supposed to be bloody studying for crying out loud. I mean, that's the whole purpose of holiday breaks right? taking time off your family holiday to settle down with your notes that you had to lug all the way to Teng. I mean I brought alot! but so far, I've only touched upon economics. and that's not my weakest subject. in fact, it's my best subject. I think I know why now. grr.

I mean, I am so scared to even glance at chemistry or physics because I get a stroke just looking at the pages and pages of unknown facts and explainations that I have to memorise. it's bad enough I don't know any of them, I have to memorise them as well? DURING MY HOLIDAY? bummer man.

it's eleven forty and I'm in teng and I'm blogging about how I've not studied. (...) much?

ooh. you know, there are alot of things in malaysia that reminds me of my friends back at home! let me name you some.

Klinik Amar (this reminds me of Zafran)
Keropok Zaharah (this reminds me of nabzzaay)
Advanti Racing (this reminds me of shruthi)
Bandar Kemaman (this name keeps popping up alot during my journey. this reminds me of aman)
Restoran Syafiqah Ameera (OMG this one is my favourite! because it reminds me of both syafiqah and siska at the same timee!)
there was also this show I watched where there was this character whose name was Muhd Shane. (okay this was funny because 1. muhd shane is a very funny combination of two names. 2. the character's girlfriend always calls him abang. (!!) 3. its just really funny.)

okay toodles.

2009-06-17T18:25:00.003+08:00

From the desk of Namira Nasir,

She will be in Malaysia and ergo, incommunicado henceforth from this stipulated date till Sunday the 21st of June.

We apologise for the inconvenience caused.

Sincerely,
Namira Nasir

P.S: Namira, my rate just doubled. (:

2009-06-13T22:18:00.007+08:00

this is how I entertain myself whilst eating lunch. this is my cat crash.
by the way, if you hear my dad talking, he's saying that feeding strays is against the law and I can get punished. sheesh dad. poor crashy.

and lo and behold, the worst thing you could ever see in a convenience store. oh the humanity. the standard of 7 eleven is seriously going downhill.

well this just proves one thing. everyone loves coke. screw sprite or ice lemon tea. but HOW COULD IT RUN OUT? HELLO?

2009-06-12T13:36:00.002+08:00

look I found this!

there are no subtitles for this so I shall make my own:

Jun Pyo: Hahaha. Look at that. My mother needs a kidney donor by next tuesday. (sits next to Jandi) Jandi ah, do you mind sparing her one kidney?
Jandi: NO NEVER! I WILL NEVER LET THEM CUT MY CHEST OPEN.
Yi Jeong: eh, that's not where you kidney is.
voiceover sounds.

Jun Pyo: eh you, take biology la.

okay lame. -.-"
I'm just really bored at home okay!

this is for syafiqah:

sigh. so delicious. and the donuts aren't bad either.

2009-06-11T21:12:00.002+08:00

hello sunshine.

so far, my life has revolved around dance. every morning, I go to my school's dance studio to do the thing I love most doing.

I've managed to stay out of her path and keep a low profile so as to not attract any negative chakra to myself. I'm quite proud of how inconspicuous I can be. but I can't say the same for several of the other girls in my ensemble. I am beginning to truly believe in the whole curse whereby she will pick on one of the dancers for a certain day. oh well, two more days. two more days. then a two week break and it will all start over again.

is it just me or does it NOT feel like the second week of holiday? I mean, it still feels like school.

notes to self:
1) keep legs straight while jumping.
2) spot whilst pirouetting.
3) bring water bottle (!!!)
4) STUDY.

2009-06-10T19:48:00.003+08:00

notice: this post is one day late. sorry, I forgot to upload this up yesterday. OMG HOW COULD I FORGET? I am such an unfaithful fan. nonetheless,

you are my heart and soul. thank you for being so bloody brilliant.
there is no one on this earth who can even come close to the superiority that is you.

please don't smile like that.

you're making my heart stop.

I am going to go dream about you now.

happy birthday.

2009-06-09T20:41:00.003+08:00

I had dance today. bleh. it was quite cool, I guess. I didn't get screamed at. that's a plus point. you know, I'm starting to believe in the whole 0ne-dancer-curse thing. it's like, every lesson, she'll choose someone to pick on. I don't know if she learned that this was the appropriate way to educate students on the art of dancing or whatever.

I am going to post my journal entry when I was away at malaysia for ibrahim's wedding later on. it was a very philosophical journey but very tiring.

back to dance. I was really hopeful for today's dance and I prayed hard that I would not get the bitch treatment today. I just practiced laying low and getting out of her way, and it worked. though it didn't help for some of the other dancers, I was SATISFIED with my practiced. I am HAPPY (which is equals to satisfied in more cases than it is neutral) with it. I also got briefed about my dance concert which I am super super excited about and I am DYING to do it, but I don't know whether I'll be able to juggle it all what with house committee duties and all that.

sighs.

even when I didn't get the bitch treatment during dance, I did get it during my CCA House Committee Induction Workshop. You know, it is an undeniable fact that the sevens are one of the most estatic bunch evaaahhh. we had to get shushed by the teacher sooo many times before settling down.

after the workshop, some of us decided to head of to the airport to study. it was really fun because the people who went were fun. the bus ride there was really funny because I kept arguing with radyaman, siddiq and adzizul. but mostly with radyaman la. he is like this adorable child you can't help but disturb.

is your kettle black?

when we reached the airport, syafiqah was avidly telling me about the movies she mentioned on her blog. which reminds me I have to watch that spine-chilling trailer featuring Bjork on her blog. remember namira, remember.

after a while and a cookie, me, syaf and siddiq adjourned upstairs to mcdonald's where we all concentrated on studying. I have to admit, I was the one most absorbed in economics. I can't imagine myself being more immersed in what I was doing than at that point of time. I'm so proud of myself.

when adzizul arrived, we all decided to slack and bitch. it was really fun. who would have thought adzizul could bitch? siddiq maybe, but adzizul? gee.

let me leave you with this quote from adzizul about how to make a saliva bubble. EEEEEEEEEEEEE.

adzizul: make a bubble.. in your mouth, by making a pocket of air in between the tongue and the gum. and suddenly put your... *chuckles*.. put your tongue underneath that pocket of air which will eventually form a bubble.
siddiq: ohhh!
adzizul:because the surface tension of the bubble is enough...
namira: *interrupts* but if you open your mouth then the bubble will pop.
adzizul: this is where your saliva has to be a certain viscosity.

for your information, this is the exact conversation we had. because I recorded it on my phone. hey, what adzizul was saying was sheer brilliance. I mean, who would have ever thought about actually dictating the way of making a saliva bubble?

2009-06-05T00:35:00.003+08:00

wooh. okay, I'm going to reply outdated tags now. you know, I think this significantly proves that my life is going to be a shit-ass disaster. what with the centuries I take to reply tags. and! you never know how loud you type on your keyboard until you take off your headphones and stop listening to indie music at maximum volume. now I know why my mother constantly gets up at random times of the night.

mary: maryam! a significant financial event of my life and you claim my earphones already? are you sure you want em'? they bring bad karma.
Danial: *hugs back* thanks danny. you're a star.
Nadia: I shall be Ferosh in the name of CAVIES. haha. thanks sayang.
allyy: all hails that hails all? err.. hahaha. I don't know what you just said. but thanks babe.
khairiah: HELLO KHAIRIAH! wassupp. hahaha.
Ern: sorry captain. but thanks for wanting to talk to me honey. I really appreciate it:)
xiaoqi: haha you got so panicked when you gave me the wrong link! hahahaha. already linked.
syafiqah: I knew it was your favourite line. the nightime, of the days..
mary: ): ?
LING: aww LING! I miss your head jerking action even though I used to find it irritating. imissyou!
Duane: HEYYS WEN JUN. ten june is coming up soon.
shaz: haha don't worry shaz. gee you have a blog. so cool. yeah I'm praying right alongside with you. tomorrow is zaki.. stand by my side kay? im scared. haha.
Danial: aww thanks honey. my parents thank you too.
siska: haha yes he does siska you fanatic you.
syafiqah: gahh. like we said, IVLE is just EVIL when you rearrange the letters. now we know that juniorcollege is the cause of recession. sighss.
mary: gee thanks mary rub it in, will ya?
Danial: it just really makes you sad and scared when they give you that "oh no not again" look, doesn't it?
Xiao Qi: OMG I knoww. this song is beyond awesome laa.
suuu: ME LIKES IT TOO. I worship this song. soo heavenly...
syafiqah: I know you're upset about adam but kris is more radio-friendly. don't worry, adam is going to be successful. I know it.
siska: err siska. the fact that you and syaf have conflicting idol favourings is a good reason for you not to provoke her. I mean, she nearly cried during lecture when she found out. hahaha.
asyraf: haha I knew it when I read your first comment that you were joking. of all people to support singaporean television programmes over american televised shows, it's definitely not asyraf kamil. don't worry sweetie, that's a good thing.
siska: yes siska we know that. haha its kinda obvious. and he was joking. don't scare him with your KRIS ALLEN FTW-ness. hahahaha.
mary: omg yeah I noticed it too. oh yeah I remember that well. I'm mozzerella, syaf's cheddar, you're parmesan and siska's blue cheese. she was so angry I was scared to bring it up ever again.
siska: I'm a fan of Kris too. yes let's meet up. oh wait, we already have.
ffariz: I would like to thank my mat for helping my phobos team win the cheerleading competition spiritually. he is really cool.
Nadia: you're a very annoying sister.
asyraf: haha I am damn on for cheerleading, asyraf. it turns me on. hahaha.
siddiq: but mega rewarding too! for all teams. thanks so much SIDDIQ :D you were awesome yourself.
ky: hmm... that's a good theory kuan yong. angels are out of the question. HII KUAN YONG!! HOW ARE YOU MY DEAR?
Sarah: I've always been funny to you Sarah dearest. I miss you whacking me too :)
Nadia: you are still a very annoying sister.
aman: well what else am I supposed to do while studying other than daydream, radyaman?
siddiq: we cleaned up afterwards like good nurtured meridians and citizens. we're good people.
fazz: double gasps! update your blog, mr.britney. I like reading it.
siddiq: she is an ingenious writer and minah. so witty omg. she makes me want to be a minah.
allyy: you're welcome alyah. remind me to hug you back :)
Danial: hahaha! isn't she just amazing? so hilarious.

damn my inefficiency.
there'snophysicslecturetomorrowthere'snophysicslecturetomorrow.

2009-06-04T22:52:00.002+08:00

to my dearest alyah,

when life finds you down, show it who's boss and stand back up again. and if not, I will help you find the way. remember, boys will forever be boys. I've been there before, I've had my heart broken. even so, we always manage to find our way back to the places where we belong and have always wanted to be in, but never realised it.

remember, love yourself more than you will love anyone else. don't let love or heartbreak ruin you. because friendship and hope will always be there for you each step of the way. that includes me of course. who's going to be the bitch who'll always be there to make you smile? yupe me.

be strong. if you need to cry, and let go of all the sadness that's consuming you now. remember that I will forever love you and be there for you. :) so don't cry, because it would make me lose it as well. if it makes you feel better, I'll admit I'm a minah for you.

love,
Namira.

2009-06-04T18:46:00.003+08:00

The 5 Golden Rules of Minah-ism:

1) A Minah is only a Minah when she denies that she is one.
2) As long as you are a Malay girl, you're automatically a Minah.
3) A Minah is a true Minah if she likes to call other people Minah.
4) Minahs are not necessarily uneducated because they don't speak English, it's a preference.
5) Minah and Minahrep are entirely different things, do not confuse them.

credits to: minahspeak.lj

tahu binte takper.

2009-06-03T21:10:00.001+08:00

I'm sooo sleepy.

but today was absurdly fantastic. sighhs. I love my hulabagi.
as we go on.... we remember...

2009-05-31T13:11:00.002+08:00

I was thinking about the concept of heaven yesterday. Heaven is said to be this paradise, this paragon of beauty and astounding magic. Where one feels nothing but everlasting happiness. Where there is not a care or a worry that dampens the pure heavenly glow of it. The extent of Paradise is endless. One cannot help but wonder and even question the existence of such a fantasy, what with all the sadness and hardship that engulfes the world as we speak.

in the world, our world, our existence revolves around happiness and feelings. it seems that everything we do, we do for the sake of us. moreover, the universe is hinged on the principle that happiness must be taken. when we are happy, we feel that way at the expense of others. for instance, when we win a competition, there would always another party that loses. life circulates around the Win-Lose quality. it's what makes us.

so why the abrupt theory? well, in my opinion, feelings that we feel on earth cannot be felt in heaven. setting aside negative emotions like anger or hate, what about feelings like satisfaction or pride? can one really feel such feelings in heaven? to feel satisfied, one must take on a quest. quests are unstable journeys, filled with pain and obstacles. but how could one feel pain in a place that promises security?

what about pride? or imagination? I'd like to think that anything is possible in heaven. that our every wish be satisfied in a heartbeat. in that case, does imagination become reality? will we have to use our minds? do we learn? what about winning? how do we win, while another loses? do we win at the expense of angels?

angels.

can we fall in love with angels? can angels fall in love with us? what about those morbid tragedies where children die so young. do they remain children when they go to heaven?

please do not mistaken my monologue for questionable assumptions. in fact, I shouldn't even be asking too many questions. I do believe that heaven exists. I know it does. there must be a segregation between the evil and good. my mind make believes. i don't even know why I'm posting this.

is this a sign that I'm going to fail GP tomorrow?

2009-05-30T20:53:00.003+08:00

camwhoring with my cheerleading badass girlfriends.

This is the mess we made at the City Hall link to the Esplanade.

GASPS! all because they're wearing shorts inside. tsk tsk tsk. cheerleaders.

ACT CUTE!

MERIDIAN'S NEXT TOP MODELS. (hahaha)

DRAMA MAMAS.

everybody on my right, let me hear you say 'PHOBOS'.

there's about to be a girlfight.

all eyes on me in the centre of the ring just like a circus.

2009-05-28T22:00:00.001+08:00

Phobos, Phobos here we go.

magic.

Namira

my drain of a day.

dignified techno.

love like this.

Gogarty and Green.

happy 2010.

I got you baaabe.

so tall, so jealous.

heartbeat.

the midnight fudgery.

prince.

I need five reasons,

oooh look! a bird brain.

again and again and again.

the boy next door.

the cullens do come here after all.

instant noodles.

do I need a reason?

take off the helmet.

Korea Sparkling, the second year.

see me.

너라고

<3

I should have said dare.

coward.

I'm not as old as you anymore.

rokkugo!

make me proud future me.

tired but tired.

when you take yourself seriously, I'll try my best to do the same.

from the cheeky boy in chapman.

the levitation operation.

darn you murphy.

someone press reset.

you were never one to annoy me. Yet,

excuse me sir, my drink wasn't announced.

I've been known for a lot of things, but never one.

battle of the beauty queens.

you didn't have an answer. But I did, and it wasn't "I don't know."

just an outlet.

what's the rumpus, ace?

I just don't know if I'm worth it for you anymore.

selamat hari rayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

wake up charlie.

tough times and chapped lips.

ALMOST PARADISE... *incoherent mumbling attempts at Korean*

Kim Hyun Joong sunbae, get well soon. Saranghaeyo.

for the love of everything that starts with the letter A,

in the mood for longer goodbyes.

mazlan, mazlan where for art thou mazlan?

thinking about the days when play was gay.

because you don't see me for who you are.

ALMOST PARADISE... incoherent mumbling attempts at Korean